The Q&A session is over... The grilling game!

At least 3 times per week I still get asked "How did you do it?" People are always looking for the simple answer to better health. I usually use the line that best describes my truth. Everyone is different, find what works for you. Unfortunately no one likes this answer for some reason. If you have read this blog before than you know it was a rocky road from 287lbs to a children's sized marathon runner. I have a ton of issues but have learned how to be healthy and maintain a healthy weight. When I finally give them an answer, it's never what anyone wants to hear. So my question is, why ask?
I'm someone who is stubborn and relentless when it comes to my own goals. Probably a better description is obsessive to the point of crazy! I didn't just diet, I pretty much stopped eating. I didn't just kinda start running 5k's casually, I became a marathon runner. When I tell people I went down to 600 calories per day, they say that's crazy. No shit Sherlock! When I tell them you should never go down under 1200 calories per day they even look at me like I'm crazy. When I suggest healthier options compared to what their eating sometimes it gets combative. Here's the thing I don't understand, I didn't want to have this convo, so why get mad at it?
It's a tough road. I know I've been every size they make for a woman, literally. From size 26 to 00, it's a road that can really take a toll on you. I feel that everyone only lives once. This is my life that I'm living only once. I was seriously unhealthy and had to lose the weight to not have impending doom. If your healthy and happy, who gives a shit? If you want to get healthy there are some horrible truths that eating healthy and regular exercise are the key. Do you have to run marathons? Fuck no! But they are a lot of fun and can be addicting:).
I'm always happy to help but if your not ready don't blame the messenger. It sucks donkey balls at first but soon it becomes a habit like most things in life. I've taken it too far and have to deal with the consequences. There is a happy medium as with everything. I'm a huge advocate for exercise because I think it can improve everything. It makes you feel good about yourself and can boost self-confidence. Eating healthy can also have those affects and healthy doesn't always equal food tasting like butt. There are so many healthy options out there and you have to find what works for you!
It hurts to have people pissed when they asked the question and I really could give 2 shits what you do if your happy and healthy. I will be your personal cheerleader but not your punching bag. So next time you ask someone who has done what some people think is the impossible (which really isn't), be kind. You don't have to take their advice and you can totally call them names when they aren't around. Truth is, the former me would probably hate me!

Doing it for yourself! Paris 2015

People run marathons for a whole list of reasons. I would know, I did a research project in college on it. Literally the title was "Reasons people run marathons". We had 200 Boston marathon runners take a survey. Most people wanted to prove something. Shocker! I think that's how a lot of people start out. That's how I started. I wanted to prove to everyone I could take on the big bad Boston and complete it. I exceeded so many expectations. So after you have done one, what's there left to prove?
Boston I proved my point. I also lived out my dreams and joined the very few people to ever complete a marathon. I also learned how much I've been missing out on in life by not running. After I felt I needed to prove I wasn't a one trick pony. I signed up for another way to soon and got injured. Even after all that, I still did considerably well in Wakefield. That marathon left me with the "I can do better" feeling. In NYC I was out to prove that I could be a competitor. That's exactly what I proved. I trained smarter, ate better and got my sub 4 hour marathon. About 2 months after that, I finally had a good half marathon. So what is there left to prove? Everything!
Paris is all for me. Not only is a gift to myself but it's a chance to prove to myself that hard work pays off. I've trained so hard, been through enough and it's time to start living. Paris is a chance for me to finally put all the sadness to rest. It's almost a funeral for my former self. At the end of those 26.2 miles or 42.16481 kilometers (it is Europe), I feel like she's gone forever. A year later and 4 marathons down, I can finally say good bye to the person I used to be. While I probably will always feel like I need to lose more weight, I'm not anywhere near where I used to be. I may have A glass of wine once and a while, I'm no longer the drunk. I may not be able to lift socks, but I am an athlete. I used to be sad 24/7, now there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I used to dress horribly, now I take pride in my clothes. My hair is finally coming back and I eat right. Boston was to prove I could, Wakefield was to prove I could twice, NYC was to prove I could run and Paris is to prove she's gone.
34 days until I get rid of the pain. What a beautiful way to do it. I think everyone would want to have their memorial under the Effiel Tower! Don't you? The fashion capital of the world is not ready for this idiot! Ready or not here I come.

Paris Fashion Week... Oui!!

This lovely outfit is brought to you by Lanvin (picture courtesy of Vogue Paris). Lanvin so far is the only show I've been impressed with. Balmain looked like a color block nightmare. Chanel channeled Little House on the Prairie. The rest was pretty much the same, black dresses with leather some where on it. There wasn't any different hair or make up. It looked exactly like fall/winter depression. Lot's of Kendall Jenner and Cara Delivigne pictures. Plus Lot's of shots of Kim Kardashian's blond hair, I don't love it but I don't hate it.
The main reason to look was to see what styles are in and what I saw was sleek lines and fun colors. Now I didn't get that from the actual runway shots but on the profiles of the street style. That's what people are actually wearing. Lot's of fun blazers, colorful accessories and really cute shoes. Basically my dream came true. These people know how to dress. I understand it's pictures of people around fashion week, but in Paris, mom jeans and Ugg slippers are kinda frowned upon. A country after my own heart! I may be into colorful spandex on a run but I make sure I get dressed otherwise. I think this helps with self-esteem.
Getting dressed everyday and enjoying fashion is self expression. I think fashion is art. For me, the importance of getting up and getting ready makes you feel ready for the day. Plus, when you spend most of your time either in running clothes or dance clothes it's nice to put on a skirt or a dress. I may not put on Chanel haute couture everyday but I get dressed cute on a budget. It's almost fun to get inspired from the pictures and shows then recreate the look for less. Spring is all about flowers and pastels. Finally getting away from the brown, black and grey winter.
It's that time to pick the perfect marathon! Honestly I've considered going black and hot pink. They have really cute pink compression socks at Nike right now and those are essential. Sometimes you have to plan an outfit around one piece. It's not the color scheme I was going to go with but, got to do what you got to do! While it's important to look cute, it's also important to perform! 36 DAYS!!! I almost cannot fathom this. Paris this little fashionista is ready for you!

Blank Space... Don't know if I'm ready to write a name!

Sure, everyone wants to find someone they can share their life experiences with, cuddle on a cold Sunday afternoon and someone to help when you realize your stuck in your 14 wet layers of spandex and you need help getting them off. Having someone who understands you, encourages you and supports you. Unfortunately sometimes it's hard to find and for a runner obsessed with training it's even harder. (I've posted about that, no need to elaborate). Sometimes when you find yourself single, it's a good thing.
Take it from Taylor herself, she's single, having the time of her life and enjoying her friends. She's traveling and living her life the way she wants. If I only had her bank account.... Oh, the shenanigans and races that would happen. Right now I'm single and I'm actually pretty happy about it. Going to Paris, training 24/7 and enjoying my friends is so much better. I think that it may be hard to find someone considering my passion and goals but I've decided changing is not really an option. I was listening to this song and thought how right she is.
Being with someone to be with someone is just not for me. I've done it, lived it got the t-shirt and it wasn't fun. Many of my runs have been fueled by anger from a guy. While hitting a personal best after that scumbag did you wrong feels amazing, it's kind of wasted energy. Even though all of this was brought to you by an ass, it has taught me to stop settling for less. At this age if he is not enhancing your life then screw it. Once those tables turn then on back to being single. Some at my age have that biological clock ticking but I would rather hit the snooze then be stuck with someone who can't understand me or hurts me. Most marathoners don't have much time with training and all. I think about my crazy schedule and a romance would be nice but luckily not needed.
I've been hurt a lot and crushed. I lost 160lbs partly due to a broken heart. I became a runner to prove to myself that I am worth it and now that I feel sorta worth it I'm going to focus on me. I think sometimes women think they have value if they have a man. Sometimes a girl needs to find value in herself first. That has been a huge goal of mine for 2015. To see myself as someone who is worth it. Sometimes being alone and finding out who you really are is necessary. If he comes along then great, if not then I have a blank space! With only 37 days to Paris it's really hard to focus on anything else. To the Arc de Triumph!!!

The Final Countdown..... Paris!

Possibly the dumbest song, yet the funniest ever! Oh Job Bluth, your magic tricks are illusions! The final countdown has begun, for Paris! Still have to find the perfect outfit, get one more pair of sneakers and need that Carrie dress! While this will be the trip of a lifetime, there still is that lingering epic road race to be concerned with. Oh you know, that 26.2 mile (42.16481 kilometers, it is Europe!)journey to worry about, lose your shit and cry like a baby about. In training this is the most crucial time and really the last few weeks to make any progress before the race!
In a few weeks I will run my 22 miler. After that it's taper time and the end of hard core training. This doesn't mean you go slow and eat pizza, but after that there really isn't anything you can do. You still run but the mileage goes down and you freak out. The next few weeks will be crucial. No splurging food wise, no drinking and lots of running like a nut bag!this is also the time for me when my mind starts to slip into "I can't" mode. It's a double edged sword. I know this mentality always pushes me to perform but it messes with you big time. I'm always a complete crazy girl right before.
You would think at this point running that many miles would not scare me. This will be round 4 and after my last half I felt like I could have easily kept going. Truth is I feel stronger than ever. I've always trained like a psycho especially this round. Yet, that little voice in the back of my head says "this is it.. this is the time your going to fail!" I completely bombed the marathon in Wakefield, so it's not like I haven't shown up and sucked. The nerves are back though and the fear is there. What happens if I choke at mile 3? What if I blow my knee again? All of this stuff scares the bejesus out of me. Also, the threat of shitting my pants, especially in Paris, is always looming.
"Run Fat Girl, Run!!" will be going through my brain for the next few weeks. There will be many speed runs to burn out the crazy and long runs to remind myself I can make it. Reading Paris Vogue and trying to cram in conversational French is also on the menu. I can't believe it's almost here and I could not be more excited and scared shit less! Foch Avenue right in front of the Arc De Triumph is where it all starts and I will be there soon. To Paris with love and excitement!