Paris training blues...

So it has begun again. It's hard to explain but I'm going to give it a try. The weeks before a huge race are filled with nerves, excitement and toe tape. The in between time is filled with fear and self doubt. They say it takes about 4 weeks to truly recover from a marathon. Now that I'm 4 weeks out from NYC, the fear for Paris has set in. 

You worry about your pace time, injuries and diet. It's a mental game mostly. After running 3, I've learned it's all in the head. The months are filled with good runs, bad runs, good days and bad days. They are filled with self doubt and nerves. This time it's also filled with outfit planning, learning the language and planning my first Parisian adventure. Good is coming with the bad this time. It's exciting knowing I'm finally going to Paris but, the fear of a race is also present. Plus still being in the holiday season and having eating issues isn't helping. So how do I stay in the game? 

It feels like the battle has just begun and the fight will be epic. With less than 5 months to go the goal is endurance training and not lose my shit! More miles, faster speed runs and get excited for the most epic race... Paris!! Every girls dream!

French sophistication...

When a girl dreams all her life of going to Paris, she certainly does not want to screw it up. My goal is to run like an American bad ass but, come off like a true Parisian. Show them what a girl from the city of qualifiers can do race wise, but walk the streets as one of their own. Be classy, be fashionable and be able to ask questions in a perfect French accent. Not too many goals. Run a personal best, learn as much French as possible and look like a French fashionista. Should be easy right? 

We all know how the French think of Americans. We are loud, have no class and no taste. We all wear fanny packs, mom jeans and want French fries. We have no taste and want some ugly purse that has a huge emblem on it that screams "Dior". Well this little runner doesn't want to change their mind, I just don't want them to suspect I'm from the states. 

So a huge "to do" checklist before Paris. 1- learn enough conversational French with the right accent. I want to be able to ask the basics and to understand the answer. I have a ton of French music my iPhone and I've been listening to get a better sense of the pronunciation. I'm also singing along with no clue what their saying. For all I know the song is about dirty clowns.

2- Read French vogue and get a sense of the trends. See what these parisian's are rocking and mimic it on a budget. No fanny packs for this one!!

3- Keep up the training! Only on 4/12 will I show my true nationality and home city! Runners from all over the world know about Boston and what this city does. I want to show up and show them in Boston... We don't mess around! 

140 days to my most epic race to date. Ran my home, ran my favorite now time to run my dream. To Paris with love and Nike's! Au revoir to the hot mess and bonjour to the runner who is about to kill it American style in Paris! 

The Holiday's are coming... Oh crap!

There are so many races associated with the holidays. There are Turkey trots and Santa Hustles all over the US. It's a time of year when you get together with your family, eat, drink and be merry. Well for this little runner I seemed to be plagued with anxiety. The fear of getting off track has sent me into a panic like no other. I keep asking myself "What's my damn problem?" Yet I seem to be unable to answer this question. I know I will run throughout and control my food but, crap! When in training, how do you handle the Holiday's?
I've never been in training in the holiday season. I received my number for Boston on Christmas eve last year. During last years festivities I was struggling with my eating disorder and it was extremely visible. I barely ate anything and threw myself into helping with cleaning. I was such into the thick of my problems, I almost didn't notice all the possible temptation. When your that controlled and crazy it's really hard to fall off the wagon. This year I'm training for possibly my biggest race ever and crippled with fear about the possible derailment in training. What I'm realizing is the holidays are sending me back into a dark hole I fought so hard to get out of.
Right now if your running a spring marathon you have your number. Your already in training and your long run is probably up to about 10 miles if your a first-timer. If your one of the serial offenders your probably taking 16-17 mile long runs and really just maintaining fitness. Your on your training specific diet and just trying to deal with the zub zero temps that are part of the winter season. Many of us have in-between races we are also preparing for. Right now, my prescribed caloric intake is a lot higher then the average person. The amount of calories I need to consume per day just to maintain race weight would probably shock most people. Without the fear of the holidays it doesn't even phase me. Probably because I eat the same thing pretty much everyday without variation. I think the fear of no control has turned my brain into taking extreme control. Many people say they run so they can eat. For me if I eat something dense I feel like a blob on the run.
Falling off the wagon by not eating enough is just as bad, if not worse. Running on empty is something I've experienced and gets you nowhere.. literally! When I started training last year I had no clue how to fuel properly and ended up half with it in the middle of Copley Square in Boston. It was scary to say the least. Propper nutrition in any sporting activity is crucial. I've screwed this up so many times that now I know exactly when it's happening and know when to eat. Basically I get extremely dizzy. I usually have snacks in my purse at all times just in case. Every girl should have lip gloss, pocket mirror and apple sauce in their purse:). Plus all of my newly diagnosed food allergies make it 10x as difficult. No dairy or gluten and also fat makes eating anywhere but your own personal kitchen difficult.
I know that I have a lot of time between the holidays and my next race (Fred Lebow memorial half in the gorgeous Central Park 1/25). If I fall off the wagon food wise, I have plenty of time to get back on. Clearly I have a lot of time before Paris. This is when just running to enjoy it essential. Running has become the thing that helps me let go of the issues in a healthy way. Unfortunately because of the stress I've hit the wall. Hope fully my mind will shut the bleep up and I will go and enjoy my family who have been amazing through this crazy process. I have also booked my poor therapist up until New Years. As any runner will tell you, screwing with training can scare the bejesus out of us. I just need to remember PARIS! 143 days until I say "Bonjour" to my dream city!

The training mental road block....

Every runner in training has experienced a moment when they question themselves and their goal. It's hard to be strong 24/7. We all experience moments of weakness. We are human but it's what you do with that block that can make or break you. From elites to newbies sometimes the road gets tough. 

Not going to lie, I've hit the wall mentally. The relentless fight I think may have finally taken it's toll. From running hundreds of miles, constant laundry, fatigue and being forced to evaluate who I am recently has worn this nut ball down. I feel like the person I am has never changed but just the goals. I'm not even close to perfect but maybe just a little stronger. 

Sometimes you wonder why do I keep going? What's it all for in the end? Is this really all worth it? The answer is of course it's worth it! To be able to experience what so few get to is amazing. Being part of such amazing events are truly life changing. In order to be part of these events, you have to train. I know at the end of the day, I will slap on the spandex, push my big butt out the door and be in the moment within seconds. The whole time dreaming of the champs élysées and the Eiffel Tower! 

It's happened to me in every training season. The fear of weight gain, injury, crapping my pants and not being able to finish. Everyday is a new day to run and to let go of the notion that quitters win. I just have to get on my game face and remember why I started in the first place. Plus to see Paris, f#%king awesome!! Time to stop the bull shit and get it together because winter comes and goes, spring time comes and Kenyans arrive in France! Plus a runner from Boston who hopefully will be ready to take on the world!

You want to go out Saturday night?... Sacrifice!

Unfortunately the answer to that question is usually no.. Long run Sunday is tough after a night out. Back in the day I was always out on a Saturday night at some club, being grinded on by some dude, puking in a bathroom somewhere. Parties, nightclubs, and bars was where you could find me most nights of the week. Now if you need me, my feet are up and I'm relaxing for my run the next day. Marathon runner's sacrifice so much for their goal. We do go out once in a while and hang with friends, but party until morning is usually out of the question. When training we sacrifice so much for the goal. We give up things most people could never live without. We give up foods, social events and expensive items to pay for race fees. I've also given up toe nails but that's neither here nor there. At the end of the day it's all worth it for that feeling of crossing the finish line and the medal forever on your wall.
I sometimes feel like I've given up everything. I've given up expensive clothes and shoes. I've given up alcohol and many foods. I've become the girl who at 11p.m. turns into a pumpkin. No pedicures or manicures anymore. There are times when I question this decision when I see a new purse I want or I smell pizza or beer. There are times I look on Facebook and see my friend's pictures of partying and I wish I could go. I read Vogue magazine and see the latest trends and want to go out and buy them. Take a weekend holiday somewhere. The list can go on and on, but I always remind myself that what I'm training for is too amazing to give up.
I know that without training I would not be as happy as I am today. If I eat the pizza I'm just going to get extremely sick. If I buy the purse, I would like it for a minute and just see another I wanted. I can go to the party for a while and by 11, everyone will be drunk anyway so my sober ass will be fine to go. Mani's and Pedi's last for a few days then chip, I'll paint them myself for cheaper. Finding bargains on clothes have become it's own fun game in itself. The rest of the sacrifices sting for a minute but at the end of the day running is much more important to me. To have achieved my goal three times over now feels so good that I can't imagine going back.
I've made new friends, seen new things, had new experiences and feel like now I'm actually living versus the things I've sacrificed. For every dream you will have to sacrifice to get there. If it's worth it, you won't even miss it. Maybe I don't have expensive things but I do own a Tiffany's medal. I have a world I never dreamed of and if you achieve your dream I promise those sacrifices will no longer be sacrifices. To give up so much to go to Paris doesn't really feel like a sacrifice at all. I don't even flinch at saving my money. I have no desire for the pizza or the booze. I've dreamed of Paris my whole life and it's completely worth it. To give up everything honestly feels like I did not sacrifice but got a brand new beautiful life instead. So now when I see people partying or buying expensive things I just say to myself "PARIS!". Less than five months to the race of a lifetime!!

So your 31... Life plans

The ever famous running stroller. The exercise tool for so many new mothers. Taking your little ones on a run to get off the baby weight. I've had the question "so when are you going to settle down and have kids?" a lot lately. Here is my sort of answer.

I think the thought is I lost all this weight so it's time to catch a man, get married and have babies. Basically people are insinuating that prior it was not possible. Let's be real I dated jerks heavy and thin. Also, I just got there, I want to enjoy it for a while. I also think it's a personal victory that I did not marry and procreate with my previous love interests. At my age though, everyone seems to wonder when I'm going to start making babies?

Answer... not anytime soon. I was thinking about it a lot on my run and realized I have to many dreams to fulfill before I make mini-marathoners. I want to travel the world and really live. I stayed in bubble too long and these tiny, pretty gross feet need to run around the world. London, Berlin, Tokyo, the Great Wall of China, Rome and the original in Athens internationally and Chicago, all of the service marathons, Seattle and return trips to Boston and NYC stateside are priorities to me. This could happen with kids but it will be tough. I want to finally enjoy life and see everything the world has to offer... Plus run every damn race and have a really bad ass medal collection:).

To give it up and be selfless for a child is not in my plans and I'm kinda sick of everybody making me feel old. I have plenty of time. Someday I will pump out some future running nuts, but for now, it's time to live and run. I want to look back and have no regrets so I can be the best mom ever. See, you do have deep thoughts on a run! My third bucket list marathon is not far away... PARIS!!! I'm going to Paris.... Enough said!! Less than 5 months!!! 

The Gym... No way, not anymore!

Lot's of people love the gym. For some it's like the Cheer's bar "Where everybody knows your name". Lot's of people love cross training and lifting weights. The gym has so many benefits and is a great thing. Plus you can wear cute outfits all year round there! For me personally, I hate the gym. I suck at lifting weights, I get self-concious still and I hate the treadmill with a passion. I started out at the gym and found my love for running there but... No way in hell am I going back. Here is why..
After losing a eighty pounds it was time to get active again. Dancing, cheerleading and walking had always been my exercise. I played sports throughout my teen years and danced up until I was done college. So when it was time to start moving again I signed up for the gym. I went with the judgement free zone, Planet Fitness. I developed a program straight from the book. I walked on the treadmill for an hour and designed a lift program with core exercises (abdominal fun). It took 2 hours a day five days a week. It was the most boring thing I had ever done but it worked for a while. I saw results in my fitness. I was becoming more toned. I was still dieting so the weight was coming off anyway. I hated every damn minute of it. I was so persistent in my goals and that was the only reason I kept with it. The walking got faster, and I put myself on a hill program. I was still lifting and doing core exercises. One night when I got home I sat down and thought about running and devised the plan that started it all. I would run on the piece of shit treadmill for the last five minutes each time and slowly work my way up.
Not only did I hate my life while I was at the gym, but I felt extremely self concious even though it was called the judgement free zone. I was still overweight and looked horrible in my gym clothes. I wanted to workout and have no one see me. That's kind of hard at a public gym! So I would go to the gym really early or really late so the amount of people was less. I was so embarrassed with my self that it actually hindered my progress. I'm not sure why it never occured to me to walk/run outside and purchase some dumbbells. I think everyone just thinks they need to go to the gym when they really don't. It has become ingrained in society that that's the way to get fit. I could have done everything I did without going to the gym but there I was hating every minute of it crying in my car on the way home.
The first five minutes of running felt worse than any marathon I've ever participated in. I hacked, wheezed and felt like I was going to throw up. I was running about a 13 minute mile. I knew it was going to suck until I was trained and just kept moving. Every gym trip I just told myself it would get easier. I ran with music and tried to not pay attention to anyone else. After about 2 months I was able to run walk about 20 minutes, that's when I ventured outside. I was still going to the gym but also incorporating outdoors. It was about 2.5 miles of flat suburbia. I ran in the middle of nowhere so know one could see. I was also living in the middle of nowhere so that was pretty easy. In the fall I moved back to Cambridge and got rid of my car. I was still a member at Planet Fitness and went everyday after work. On the weekends I tried running around the city in the extremely early hours of the morning. The gym in the city was much more crowded. There was always a line for the treadmill and abdominal machines. I was still to chicken to run in less than perfect weather so I would still hit the treadmill. I could run for 30 minutes without stopping at this point and getting faster. I still felt self concious and became aware of the fact that people do actually watch what your doing.
By Christmas the weight was gone and I recieved my number for Boston. This past winter was one of the most brutal winters and I had told myself I couldn't run in a blizzard (so not true!). This is when my gym time came to an end.
I was kicked off the treadmill for being on too long. Nowhere did it say a time limit and I had to get in a run for Boston. At that moment I cancled and have never looked back. I wanted to be a runner and run outside. There is no weather in Boston you cannot run in. I refuse to go back. I've learned to run in any condition and love it. The gym gave me a horrible complex and I'm a firm believer in if you don't love you won't stick with it! The gym is not for everyone and that's ok! It's also ok to love it. My hat is off to anyone who does. For me, the fresh air and city sights are the best way to run! that's why I love city marathons, you get to see the city while you run. Plus being outside I personally feel less self concious. Maybe I just love it too damn much. So if your wondering do I lift? Nope! I just run everyday. That's all I do. Nothing fancy just me, sneakers, spandex, some woodland city creatures and sidewalks. Paris city sights, smells and sounds will be my next adventure and will be epic!! Here I come Paris!!

My heart will go on... Heart disease and Marathon running.

I hated that dumb movie:)! This is going to be a somewhat controversial blog. I am an exercise physiologist who has done her research. I could use all the big words and cite all the articles but this is not my dissertation. This is my dumb blog about girly issues and running. I have read countless articles from all the major medical journals and this is my non medical terminology synopsis of the evidence on heart disease and marathon running. This is my point of view and not a medical professionals opinion. Would you really want to read it is it was straight out of a research journal anyway? If you want the facts, go to google scholar and type in marathon and running. So many articles from the London marathon and my hometown and first, Boston.
Truth is there is evidence to support that after a marathon the heart is strained and shows visible signs of wear and tear. Running 26.2 miles in a decent time is going to take a toll physically. The amount of blood that is needed to flow to get oxygen to the muscles is astronomical. Of course the heart is going to be working overtime to pump all that blood. As an exercise physiologist I knew the answer before I read the articles. If you have studied anatomy and physiology, it's just common sense. If you run a marathon, it probably means you trained and have been running crazy amounts. So not only did you work your heart on race day, but you have been doing it for months or years. So at the end of the day you have a higher chance of a sudden cardiac event then someone who runs 5k's.
Ok, so we have established that yes, it's true. Now let's look at it from a different point of view. Well, my point of view. If you have seen my posts you know I'm a former hot mess. I was a drunk, overweight idiot. Then, I went the opposite direction and had a hard time eating. Either way I was doing extreme damage to my body and the picture of health I was not! During training I developed a healthy diet that full filled all my nutrient requirements. I also ate the right amount of calories per day. My hair is growing back and I don't look like death slightly warmed over. My resting heart rate is about 47, it used to be 90-120 when I was overweight. My blood pressure is always 100/62, when I was overweight it was 160/90. All of my blood work comes back better then average.
More importantly, when I started training I was suffering from a broken heart. Damage from years of depression and anxiety had finally taken it's toll. I would cry over dinner and refused to eat more than 800 calories per day. My hair was practically gone and I looked like I hadn't slept in months. Truth is marathon running saved my life.
The answer no one wants to hear... I don't give a shit:). To live a happy life running my behind all over the world, meeting new people and enjoying the fresh air is worth it to me. To say I would die happy is an understatement. In less than a year my world has changed, I've changed! I smile all the time, a bad day is not a catastrophic event and I laugh all the time. I feel healthy every morning (a little sore but healthy). I'm running f*#king Paris in 5 months. I'm going to my dream city and getting run it's marathon. I want to do it all while I'm young and healthy. Truth is I could either die of a broken heart or live a long healthy life as a marathoner and live my dream. Seems like an easy choice:)! 5 months to Paris, 2 months to 1/2 in Central Park!

Wrapped up like a Burrito... Winter running

It's almost like a game. How many pairs of spandex, shirts, coats, scarfs, hats and gloves can you wear and still achieve your split time? At first, I was so scared to run in the winter. I've come to really enjoy it and looking forward to early morning snow runs on the weekend. It's so quiet and peaceful out. Plus it's absolutely beautiful with the city covered in white. Until the plows come and make it brown of course. Unfortunately there is a lot of precautions runner's have to take to not get hypothermia, eat pavement when ice is covering the side walks and stay visible because there is about 2 hours of daytime.
First off, clothing. My laundry bill is insane during the winter trainning season. The amount of layers you wear is ridiculus. Of course you have all the dry fit, stay warm technology that really only gives you peace of mind. You still sweat, lose all your body heat and shiver like a leaf after you run. I always make sure to get a hot coffee on the way home after a long run. As soon as I get home, I jump in the shower after pulling off 17 layers of wet spandex. Give that a try when your hands are numb. I'm sure it looks crazy. My best advice, lot's of layers and be ready to feel cold.
Now the whole running on ice deal sucks. I ate so much pavement trainning for Boston last year it was crazy. I know my Paris trainning will involve more now that I'm faster. It's always slick as snot on a door knob in one section of my long run. I'm sure I'll be doing the runner's prance in that area again. Imagine someone looking like they might have just crapped their pants. It's that elegant. Plus I don't care what fancy sneakers you have, they are not snow shoes! Your are going to slip. I will say this, Nike's will keep your feet dry. I can't handle the treadmill so no matter the weather my ass is hitting the pavement.
The one problem is hypothermia, for me anyway. My hands and feet turn white and go numb. For me this is the only downside to winter running. I have to run my hands under hot water pretty much imediately. It sucks because this is my favorite running season. I guess you just have to take the good with the bad.
Time to get reflective warm clothes for another winter training season. Paris is at the beggining of April. Time to run in the snow, ice and sub zero temps. I'm not going to lie I'm excited! I'm getting ready for Paris. A little cold weather is not ging to slow this nut bag down. I'm ready to run the fashion capitol! 5 months full of snow, ice and crazy amazing experiences are upon me. Plus I'm running a half marathon in January in Central Park. It's going to be epic!

It needs to stop!

While I was heavy I never received a lot of feedback to my face. When I started losing weight I got a lot of compliments. When everyone had decided I was at a good weight I was told to stop. When I had a hard time eating people made awful remarks and started horrible rumors behind my back. When I started running/training I was told I looked like a man. Truth is more people said horrible things to me and about me when I lost the weight. Running has changed my body into a machine that I take extreme care of. That's my decision and my life. I have goals that I want to reach that are pretty obvious (read the title of the blog). You only live once is my motto and it's time for the body shaming to stop!

I've read countless articles lately on people calling others "skinny bitches". Truthfully I've been on both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between. I can tell you that it all hurts. The media celebrates slender girls and beefed up men. We are all human and we are all different and that should be understood. I think calling someone a skinny bitch is just as bad as calling someone fat. Neither is ok! I've been told I'm too skinny, look anorexic and I need a sandwich. I eat a sandwich every day for lunch. I've had the fact that I'm flat chested and have not much behind pointed out several times. If you don't think for five seconds that I don't look at Kim kardashian and think wow I'm a tween then your wrong. The amount of hate is horrible.

I've also had my muscles pointed out. My muscles are a product of hard work and dedication to my life dream. When I see woman who body build and do it the right way, it's amazing what they are able to do. The amount of discipline that is necessary to achieve that is frightening and should be celebrated. Not told they are gross. It's bullying all around.

On the other side women with curves are also beautiful. They look way better in a dress than I will. Calling anyone who is healthy and happy fat is cruel and wrong. I was not healthy and not happy. Just because someone is not a stick is not an indication of lazziness or lack of will power. Sometimes they are like I was. So let's call them names, that will make it better... No!!

We need to stop it. It's wrong and personally it makes me sick. For me it is so hurtful to get these comments because I've worked so hard to obtain my goals. If you wake up with me at 4 am on a Sunday and go for a 2-3 hour run with me and see the dumb ass grin on my face you would understand. So enough of calling each other out none of it makes the other ok! This body will hopefully get me to Paris and another PR. Maybe even a qualifying time. When I think about Paris all the negative comments go away:). 5 months!!!!

Bonjour, Madame Marathon de Paris!

All the layers of sweats thrown in Brooklyn have been trashed. Central Park has been cleaned and ready for the next big attraction. The New York Road Runners have already laid out the guidelines for entry into the 2015 marathon. I've celebrated, worn my medal at home in bed and looked at my awful race photo's (yeah.. won't be buying them!). Now it's time to get ready for my first international marathon, Marathon de Paris!
It's not an easy one. It's another Kenyan filled, giant field size marathon with all the sponsors, expo's and app's to track runners on. Truthfully, this may be the scariest thing I've ever done. I'll be running 26.2 miles in a country where I don't speak the language, have no idea where I'm going and will be with a tour group. Anything can happen but to run Paris is just blowing my mind. To run arguably the most beautiful city in the world is just insane. I've never even dreamed of this because it's a dream I never even thought possible. When I was looking into spring marathons knowing I did not want to take another trip to Hopkington this year, I found Paris. I knew the minute I read about it that I had to do it. Boston, then New York and then Paris was the perfect first marathon year. This training season will come with a lot of excitement and a lot to be nervous about.
My first plan of attack is to review NYC and fix what went wrong. Clearly the insane wind was a problem. I can't do anything to fix that so I've chalked it up to anything can happen. Races are any weather unless it's so dangerous like a tornado. There are no tornado's in Paris so no matter what, April 12th here I come. Second is my endurance. I hit the "wall" in Boston, in NYC I was tired but could keep going. In Paris I know I will get tired (it's a marathon), but I want to be able to keep pace until the end. Most likely some longer runs in between and possible double run days. I also know getting stronger just takes time and I have 5 months so hopefully if I work hard I will get stronger. Third, it's time for winter. I've seen Christmas stuff out already (can I enjoy Thanksgiving first!). That means snow, ice and sub zero temperature running. I've done this before and I know what to expect. I can tell you first hand that my laundry bill is about to quadruple! Four layers of shirts, two layers of pants, 3 pairs of socks and hats, scarfs and mittens every damn day!
I've learned to expect the unexpected. To anticipate that it will be harder than you thought and to just pace it and hope for the best. These giant races are about time and possible qualification but they are also about experiencing what so little do. It's about running in something bigger than you. It's about seeing the world and being present in the moment.You only live once, that one chance goes quick and is too valuable to not see everything. I will never win a marathon. That's not the point but if you can achieve little goals while doing something you have always dreamed of it's a bonus.
For the first time I will be able to fit into the clothes. I will probably be a size large in France but it's all good! I will be able to look like every other french girl walking down the beautiful city streets in fashion land. Well maybe a little more manly than most of the French women but I won't be judged for smoking. Flowers will be blooming, there will be a warmth in the air and nerves all in my stomach! Spring time in Paris will be put up or shut up time! I need to find a black and white stripped top and red bottoms! The outfit has to be on point for the fashion capital! Maybe I'll get a running bikini... No chance in hell! 5 months to the craziest thing I've ever done. Another moment to run and join the elites again the city of lights!

Marathon Hangover... The week after

So you train for months, eat a crazy specific diet and mentally drain yourself. The day comes, you run your heart out and finish victorious. Then it's over. Many of us know our next race. If we are truly crazy we know every next race for the next ten years. Still though, what happens when it's over. After a huge race, like NYC, what happens now is the question?
New York was a dream that is now over. I've wanted it for a year and I exceeded my goals. I've basked in the glory and have begun to prepare for Paris. Paris is a goal I never thought could be an option. It's almost hard to fathom this race. I also have a half in Central Park in January and my name is currently in the lottery for the official half marathon in NYC. I also know that I'm going to play the lottery for both New York and Chicago for the fall (maybe even Berlin). London for next spring would be crazy but, a possibility or maybe (if I qualify) another round in Boston. Tokyo is a far off dream that I will wait a little longer for considering it's random placement in the season (only Tokyo!).
So you go home and see that medal hanging on the wall, you remember running down 5th avenue and the moment you crossed that finish line. Even though Paris is right around the corner, a part of you feels the down of the moment gone. You worked so hard, came out ahead and now it's over. For me this lasts about a second because I always have a race right around the corner. A lot of people almost feel depressed afterwards. I know if I did not have a specific goal I would probably feel the same way. They always say running can be an adiction. I feel the high of the race is the actual addicting part. Working hard and finishing can be a high that is comprable to to many substances and common adictions. Trust me this is much healthier than drugs or alcohol but it can take a toll on you.
For me the way to deal has been to focus on the new task at hand. In Paris, I want to PR. I want to at least know I can qualify for Boston even if I never go back. To get stronger and faster is every runners goal. I was so close to qualifing in NYC that I can taste it. Hopefully less wind in Paris and I can make that dream a reality. Like I always say though, "I just want to finish and not shit my pants!"
For me, New York was proof that I am a runner. Like I have said before, I wanted to finally distance myself from my past and finally be put in the category of runner. I feel like i've finally achieved that goal and will be judged on my speed instead of my former self. It was really a dream come true and now it's time to focus on Paris and shaving 15 minutes off my time. Paris is another huge race and a chance on a global stage to prove once again I'm a runner. A chance to no longer be judged as a weight loss story but as a person who runs. A chance to feel victorius as a marathoner instead of a former overweight drunk. Those goals keep me from having the "what happens now?" feelings.

Run this Town Tonight! NYC round up!

New York is where dreams can come true, and mine did! I have dreamed of a sub 4 hour marathon, done! Being in the New York Times, didn't have to marry a rich guy! Did not want to use the bathroom, no scabies for me! The most beautiful course ever, all five boroughs, life changing! Honestly the most amazing day ever.
First I will say, NYC has this on the lock down. I arrived at the Public Library at 7 am and no wait to get on the bus. We took a nice ride through the city in a plush, warm bus. No school busses (take note BAA). It was actually really calming, until we hit Verrazano Bridge. That is when you realize "Holy shit, I'm here!" They drop you off into athlete's village thinking that bridge is crazy! Athlete's village for NYC kinda seemed like Disney World. You have your own village for your color with plenty of food and coffee. There was huge jumbo screens letting you know when to go in every language. When I saw this I realized just how big of a deal this was. People were there from all over the world to compete and my nerves sky rocketed! At that moment, I got called to my corral.
When I got to my corral you could see the lead up to the bridge and once again NYC did not disapoint! An actual gun went off and they started playing Frank Sinatra. Really! It was the coolest thing ever. I felt kinda stupid being mesmerized. That lasted about two seconds because I got pushed into the waiting line. Took one last trip to the bathroom and got in line. They walked us up to the bridge and then, BOOM. I was off and Franky was playing. I started to cry a little then but that all stopped when I hit the wind tunnel!
Verrezano bridge felt like I was being sucked into a black hole! Normally this is the most beautiful sight, but the whole time I was thinking "get me off this damn bridge now!" We were all knocking into each other and I just found a clearing and booked it. I knew the bridge was two miles long and decided to get out of there and then start pacing. Best idea I ever had. Once I was off the bridge we arrived in Brooklyn and it was crazy. So many people were there with "Welcome to Brooklyn" signs. When you enter the next borough, there is always a ton of signs that say welcome. Honestly the best part was that no matter where you were, there was a crowd. It really was a party. Through Brooklyn I realized two things; one, NYC is not flat and easy and two, I've really learned how to get in a groove and stay there. I just kept going and if I felt good I would speed up a little but to never sprint. I started to see the clocks and realized I was on track. I just tried to keep a level head and keep it steady. In brooklyn I passed the 4:15 and 4:00 pace groups, I just told myself keep in front of them and you will be fine.
Once we were in queens, I was shocked that I still felt really good. I just kept going and when I saw my time for the half, I realized I had already PR. I was thinking this can't be right. It was though and maybe that was what I needed to keep going. Queensborough bridge was the best view because You see Mannahttan and realize your almost there. I sprinted off that bridge, but still noticed people stopping and taking selfies! Seriously, this is a timed event dumb assess! Well, it's their time and they can do what they want with it I guess.
Mannhattan was crazy! the last ten miles were wall to wall people. Up first street, and over to the Bronx. The Bronx was the most disapointing because you only spent about a second there. It was like "Don't blink you will miss it!" Plus the church chior was amazing! Then, you see the 5th avenue bridge and realize your on the last leg.
This was the moment I realized the wind. You are so tired and the wind was trying to knock me over. I refused to give up! I ran down 5th avenue and into Central Park. It was perfect and wall to wall people. The cool thing I did not realize is for about a half a mile the spit you back out onto 5th avenue and you run down mid town. It was so cool and gave me that burst of energy to finsih strong.
Once back in Central Park it was the finish and I knew I was close to my goal so I booked it. I didn't notice my dad cheering I just say the finish line and sprinted. 3:46:12!!! I cried so hard when I finished because the volunteer told me it was ok to cry. AKA you look like crap but you ran a marathon so it's ok!
Paris is 5 months away and time to take this show on the global stage. Today starts a new training season full of snow, ice and craziness! I'll always rememeber Boston as the first and NYC as the best!