Welcome to New York...

Growing up in a small town you dream of more. You dream of culture, art and music. You dream of being someone else. In NYC most of the people there are from a small town. Everyone has big dreams of becoming something. They have dreams of making their dreams come true. If you head to NYC from a small town it's usually because small town life was not for you. Everyday people arrive in the big apple hoping to live out their dreams. Unfortunately not everyone makes it. Sometimes it's not about a huge dream, it's just about seeing what else is out there.
What does this have to do with running? For me, everything! About a year ago I sat at my desk and contemplated making my dream a reality. Of course, the obvious marathon to look at was in the city of dreams. Not only is it the place to make it, but it's the place thats so big your almost anonymous. If you fail, your one of many and not very noticable. If you dream big, fail big. Go big or go home. Lot's of other awesome sayings can be inserted here:). When I looked into the NYC marathon, clearly it was about to take place and you could no longer sign up. I actually learned a lot that day about marathon entry. I saw that I needed to run a smaller marathon first, submit a time into the lottery and hope for the best. I decided to give myself two years, run a 5k, 10k and a half first. I would start to work up slowly and descend on the city of dreams.
Yeah... So... About two months later I got the number for Boston, then I ran Wakefield and about a year later it's time for NYC. That whole waiting two years thing didn't exactly pan out but why wait? Now that there is only three days until I fullfill my original goal, I was thinking about what led me to NYC in the first place.
I grew up in a small town in New Hampshire, known for a face in a mountain that no longer exists, live free or dying (No seat belt required), and the Pamela Smart case (Hot for teacher). My father traveled for work and we heard and saw all about what the rest of the world had to offer. At the time, I was a bit different (that's putting it REALLY mildly) and wanted to be with people more like myself. Thank god I got over that phase (Damn I looked like shit back then! I see pictures and alsways wonder what I was thinking!)After my school years I wanted to be a dancer and dreamed of the big city. NYC was one of the many stops along that crazy path. Ultimately I ended up back in Boston. I became a lot heavier once I realized I did not want to be a dance teacher forever and lost the weight and blah blah blah (You know the rest). New York has always been the place where I believed my dreams would pan out and I have a feeling this was the actual dream I was thinking of.
On the eve of my third marathon I realized that Dover NH taught me to dream, Boston trained me to achieve my dream and maybe NYC is the place to live my dream. To get a personal best would be amazing but to finish and to grab that metal will be life changing. Did I mention the metal was made by Tiffany's yet? Yeah probably about 100 times:). To the dream my friends! 3 days. Like Taylor Swift says "Welcome to NY, it's been waiting for you!"

Dreams can come true... In 5 days!

This is the beginning of the NYC marathon. You go over the Verrazano bridge that connects Staten Island to Brooklyn. If you look up images for the marathon this is the first thing that pops up. They claim this is the largest hill in the race. It's about 2 miles long and not very steep. The image of tens of thousands of runners coming over a normally packed highway is almost poetic. Many who have ran NYC say the view is just stunning and luckily your not delirious yet so you can enjoy it. You look over your personal playground for the day. I'm sure it's the moment when the weight of the race will hit me. Also it could be on 5th ave. when I'm almost done and probably half with it.
I've mentioned before that this has been a huge dream and it's almost here. Many young girls from small towns across the U.S. and all over the world dream of New York. A chance to get lost among the sea of people and live your dreams in a world of fashion, art and music. You dream of the chance to experience culture and many different ways of life. You pretend your Carrie from Sex and the City, strutting around in your Manholo's dreaming of finding your Mr. Big. You sit in your small town knowing there is more to life than what you have.
For me, this is all very true and I'm one of millions. They say 3/4's of New York is from a small town. Now, a little older and a little (not much) wiser I come back to have the ultimate experience. To run all 5 boroughs, to enjoy the bands, the art and probably not much fashion. To be one of the thousands who will be from all over the world. To run amongst the sea of neon to claim the Tiffany's medal in Central Park.
Training has taken a toll. This time around I had to overcome some mental road blocks. I'm faster than I've ever been and pushed through many obstacles to make this dream a reality. From trying to eat enough to blocking out the negative comments, I've trained harder than ever. Maybe all of it pushed me to the point of insanity or maybe my body finally got on the same page as my goals. I feel strong and ready. 26.2 miles is a long way to go and anything can happen. I've learned to expect the unexpected and never go in thinking it's going to be a breeze. I've learned to pace myself and remember it's a long journey. Balls to the wall at the start will get you walking at mile 23. To breath even and only be concerned with my time. Don't over hydrate and remove layers as soon as I feel hot. I've worked on my form and picked better shoes based on my needs. I've changed up the diet and made it well rounded and catered to my exact needs. Food has become fuel and every meal meets my needs. I've worked harder than ever but what I've really done is trained from the heart. I lost 160lbs. to run and I wanted to give it my all. I've given 150% and now it's time to enjoy the outcome.
To live this dream is indescribable. The emotional weight of the situation is a combination of nerves and excitement. To be able to see the end and the rainbow is almost to much to bare. In such a short time to change so much can takes it toll. You constantly ask yourself "Who am I now?" I still don't have the answer and I'm still incredibly awkward but I feel like I like the direction I'm headed in. Someday I may get injured and not be able to keep going. Maybe that's the reason I just keep pushing smart and enjoying the ride while I still can.
NYC her I come! I'm getting my New York on and I can feel the awesome. 5 days from now I will be living my ultimate dream.
http://www.afmarathon.kintera.org/tapgod

 

Don't crack under pressure... 1 week

So it's one week until I take NYC and it's 5 boroughs. Tag Huer is one of the sponsers and their tag line is "Don't crack under pressure!" Thanks because I hadn't thought of that. The week before a race is a mix of excitement but also extreme nerves, at least for me! Every thought goes through your head. You've done everything you can. You've trained your butt off, kept down to race weight, made your packing check list and begun the taper. There is honestly nothing left you can do training wise. You have to just know you did the best you could and leave it all on the road. Now, that being said you should just relax, watch your diet and get pumped. Um... That never happens! The Friday before Boston I felt the nerves so bad I projectile vomited at work. I packed and unpacked my bag about 30 times. I cried, used the bathroom a lot and barely answered the phone thinking "what the f$&k did I get myself into!" It was my first and I had no clue what was about to go on. Before Wakefield I thought I would be more confident. Nope! I got injured right before that one and that last week considered pulling out but I decided just to go for it and I'm really glad I did. 

The nerves have come back to haunt me. My running game is stronger than ever. I feel better physically. Mentally not so much. It's another world major, huge field size and this time I'm going off in a faster wave. By the third you would think I would be more confident but I'm a mess. Thoughts like, "what was I thinking", "what did I get myself into", "are you bat shit crazy", and "I can't shit my pants!" These thoughts rotate through my mind about every two hours. On my training runs I just keep envisioning running through that amazing city and just enjoying the moment. It's the only time I feel relaxed. The run itself seems so great compared to my two previous. Actually running through the city, bands playing, crazy crowds and the beautiful city I love seems much better than Ashland or running around a lake in the middle of the night. I'm preparing myself to expect the unexpected. New York is flat but you never know. 

Hopefully this week I won't vomit or poop my pants. Maybe I will get to the start area and just enjoy the run. Oh who am I kidding? I'm going to get no sleep, shake like a leaf and be in the fetal position all week. "Run fat girl run!" Will be playing on repeat in my head and I'll probably cry a lot! So here's to losing my shit! NYC I'm coming, whether I lose it or not!

They love you because they have no choice.... Family!

This is my family with me right after Boston. Yeah we are a good looking group minus that weirdo with the medal:). Christmas eve 2013 my world changed big time. I received my number for Boston. Like most families, we have a family party on 12/24. That night I told everyone I got the number and it was the first time I realized it was a big deal. I had not told any family members that I had even applied. When they found out it was the topic that night. The thing I learned real quick was a great support system from your family can help you go the extra mile.
My family has been there every step of the way. I know when things have got me down I can always lean on them for support. For the first few months of my training I was receiving a lot of flack from others. My family reminded me that I could do this and not to give up. They were so excited for me and many showed up on Patriot's day to cheer me on. They also took that lovely shot of my victory smoke. To have them there that day was amazing. They have had my back for so long and still do.
Whether it's your significant other, best friend or family support is a need. Training can chew you up and spit you out! It mentally pushes you to places you might not want to visit. When I ran the really messed up half in northern mass. my parents took care of me when I was dehydrated, sick and slightly delirious. That's the power of family!
Through crazy injuries, running hundreds of miles and some crazy diet you always need a back up. NYC is so close I can feel it! My parents are going to be there at the finish line cheering me on again. The nerves, the excitement and the outfit changes are here! 5 boroughs here I come!

Back to Nike... and what!

Yesterday's post was kind of heavy but today is just a shoe review. My thoughts and feelings lately about the way I look have been getting me down, but like every girl, a new pair of shoes helps! I was running in Saucony all weather Gortex ride 6. They were supposed to be for rain, snow, tornado's and alien invasions. So the first rain storm that I ran in, Bam, 10 pound sneakers. All weather huh! Yeah... My Nike's were dry as a bone during blizzards! So that being said it was time to consider my options considering how close I am to NYC. I knew what I had to do, head to Nike Town.
Basically all distant runners will tell you Nike sucks. They are built for show not for the long haul. They say they are designed to look pretty but don't hold up for the long ride to 26.2. When I bought my first pair of Nike's I was not looking to run a marathon at that point. I was looking to run for at least five minutes on the deadmill. I bought the most expensive pair they sell which is the Air Max. Massive cushion, a ton of support and they fell great. Problem is these shoes are heavy. Despite this problem, I trained and ran in them in Boston. I had a great first time and all things considered, my feet were really not that bad. I had blisters and lost some toe nails, but the same thing happend after my last marathon in Saucony. Truth is, my Saucony's didn't last as long as my Nike's did.
I knew I needed a lighter shoe than the Air Max's (and less expensive), so I looked up the details on my Saucony's and looked for the comparable shoe in Nike. This led me to the Zoom Elite 7. Same 8mm drop from heel to toe, stability and neutral ride and they are actually lighter. The other great thing about Nike is you don't have to break them in. They have memory foam and once you put your foot in, they are good to go. I ran my last longish run this past Sunday in them and I flew (for me) down my usual route! It actually felt good to be in Nike again. Bonus is these shoes are less expensive than the Saucony's. Take that Nike haters! Every run that I've had since in these shoes have been amazing.
Basically all of the elites wear Nike's, that says something. One thing it says is huge endorsements:). It also says they actually can hold up to the challenge. Hopefully it will hold up for me in NYC. Plus what girl doesn't love a pink and neon green sneaker! Girly and fast, that should really be their name. These shoes are not for people who just want a sneaker to walk around in. They would probably feel uncomfortable due to the drop. Also, Nike has a weird construction and unless you have a narrow heel it could fit funky and give you blisters. All that being said, I can't wait to kill it in the pink in 11 days!! I'm going to run these little pink monsters all over that city! NYC here I come!

A constant reminder....

Sometimes when I run I feel like I'm constantly running away from my former self. After two years of finally getting my act together, people still bring it up. I know that I should be proud of what I've accomplished but sometimes I wish it never happened. Not the transformation part, the part where I looked, acted and presented myself as a hot mess! People who did not know me before my change just know me as the marathon runner. They know me as a health nut who runs like a fool and is kind of goofy. They know me as the girl who is always wearing skirts or dresses with flats, obsessed with coffee and at about 3 pm everyday starts to get antsy because it's time to run. Sometimes I never tell them about the weight loss. I just let them think this has always been me. Unfortunately as soon as they ask how long I've been running, the truth comes out.
People who did know me before and are my friends understand it's a touchy subject. I mean, who really wants to reminisce about the time when they were obese, drinking heavily and depressed. All the good times! Like every night eating a whole dominos thin crust pizza with bacon and drinking 4 vodka cranberry's and watching extremely dumb shows alone. Eating a few donuts for breakfast, mac and cheese for lunch and falling asleep by 2pm. Eating to numb the pain of depression and anxiety, drinking so much you throw up weekly just to keep going. Being known as the life of the party but always inside knowing you hate crowds. Always feeling so self conscious and aware of what you look like that you put on a mask of make up every morning to hide the pain. All of these things are not what most people want to remember.
When people bring it up and make light hearted jokes about it I always try to counter with a joke. Inside though, it hurts. Sometimes you just want to say "yes, I was a mess! So funny!" I know it dosen't come from a bad place but it still stings. Sometime's I feel like more people who knew me are more impressed that I don't drink alcohol than the fact that I run marathons and actually run them. I know for most people they can't picture me without a drink in my hand but, it still hurts. It feels like no matter what I accomplish I'll always be the fat drunk in so many eye's.
The beautiful thing about running is not only the feeling but the amazing community of people it has. When I ran my most recent 20 miler I ran with two people and we just talked running and had a great time. It made me feel free. I never brought up the fact I lost weight or how long I've been running. We just talked about past races, equipment money woe's and past injuries. We also had a few laughs at the ugly course and the perfect weather we had. It felt so good to be defined by my speed not my journey. I was just a runner like them.
The NYC marathon has a field size of over 50,000 runners. Many amongst this group will have amazing stories. Cancer survivors, extreme weight loss stories and many other heroic tales. There will also be the life long runner who just loves New York (Who dosen't love New York)! I will be one among many hoping to get a personal best... and a Tiffany's medal dosen't hurt either! In 12 days I will run the 26.2 mile journey again hoping it will distance myself from my past a little more. Maybe someday I can truly be proud and not ashamed of my journey but embrace the struggle. 12 days!

Haters gonna hate.... Or just laugh at you:(

 

It's the less than two week push before NYC. Feeling the nerves! This is about the time when you start worrying about getting to the start on time, what to pack in my bag for after, what am I going to wear, do I have enough body glide and can I actually do this? Unfortunately this is also the time when people feel the need to either get excited with you or make fun of you. I'm still not quite sure why running a marathon illicit so much hate, but it does. Lots of comments like "Why would you do this again", "That's just dumb" or "I would never do that" seem to be appropriate things to say. My thought always is "Did I ask you your personal thoughts on a marathon?" I can tell you I never have.
For some strange reason I've found people only have two reactions to a person changing and achieving their dreams. They either get really excited for you and become personal cheerleaders or they try to bring you down. I'm just speaking about my own experiences. Throughout this weight loss and marathon training I've reconnected with my family and old friends, made stronger bonds with some of my good friends and made new friends. I've also lost friends and have been ridiculed more in the last year then in my entire life. I was not picked on in school, I made good friends in college and never had problems with the girls at work. Once I started running and became healthy it was on like donkey kong. The funny thing is that once I started training for my first marathon, I got on the healthy diet track. Yet this is the time when everyone started laughing behind my back and calling me anorexic. My family and close friends were extremely supportive and knew I was running and that's why I was slim. Many believed I would not finish and were shocked when I did in a good time. After Boston I had even more friends jump ship.
Marathon running had always been a silent dream and I honestly never expected to be able to do one. Now in the eve of my third, in better shape then ever, I still get comments and many still don't talk to me. The friends I have now are the best a girl can ask for. I have the greatest family and they are my biggest fans. Maybe this was a great way to weed out the negative influences in my life. It hurt, I cried a lot in the beginning. Sometimes I still cry. When I do get down about the comments and the silent treatments I use it as fuel on my training runs and during races. For instance, I was told I looked like a man now by an ex. When I was on a bad run training run for my second marathon I thought to myself "Well if you look like a man, run like a man!" Pushed through to 18 miles silently laughing knowing he can't run even a mile.
As people we should all celebrate each others achievements. It doesn't have to be health or running. It could be school, opening up a business and finding the perfect cat sweater. We should all just be happy for one another and if you can't be happy for someone else because of your own life, fix it. We should all stop judging what other people have and focus on ourselves. I needed a change, so I changed. I'm still a work in progress and have far to go but anything is possible. Nobody is perfect but you put in what you get out. Well there is that rant for the week. It's time to freak out! Time to get excited!! LESS THAN 2 WEEKS TO NYC!!!

An American Runner in Paris!

Every girly girl dreams of Paris! The fashion, the culture, the shoes and the art. Paris has always been my dream city... Now I'm going to make it a reality! Marathon de Paris is one of the big spring marathons along side of London and none other than Boston. Last spring I ran the big bad Boston. I've ran my home city In a few weeks I'll run my favorite city. In less than one years time I will run my dream city. I figured it would be the best way to finish out a life changing year.
The marathon de Paris is unlike any other course. You run by all the landmarks and end at the Arc de Triumph. Perfect place to end! The course is a little tougher than NYC, but no where near the grueling Boston. Many avid marathon runners have claimed this was their favorite just do to the scenery. The city shuts down on that spring afternoon and is an affair not to be missed. Plus a week in Paris will be the perfect end to a year of intense training! Of course, the Kenyans will be there, 50,000 field size and the normal nerves of a race. It's another chance to try to become a qualifier and another medal for the wall. It's still a marathon and of course I will want to get the best time. To personal best in Paris would be the ultimate goal. This also means winter training. Snow running, here I come. Plus another 20 mile run on the Boston course.
Walking around like Carrie Bradshaw in my Manolo's will most likely be out but an adorable dress with cute flats will suffice. To finally see the sights and take this city by storm is a dream come true and a gift to myself for all the hard work I've put in for health. Spring time in Paris is going to be beautiful and an experience I will cherish for a lifetime. Plus visiting Dior, Christian Louboutin and Chanel... Priceless!! When I signed up and saw my bib, got a Little teary eyed. Right now though the task at hand is NYC!! Time to takeover the city and all 5 boroughs!

Running like a Kenyan... Why I don't own a TomTom!

This amazing lady is Rita Jeptoo, two time winner of the Boston Marathon and just this past weekend, the winner of the Chicago Marathon. Not only is she a beautiful lady with a great personality, she also has won a ton of other races as well. The question always remains, how do they do it? When ever you see who won these major marathons they always seem to be from Africa somewhere. So what is there strategy? Of course, as anyone knows genetics plays a huge part. Oxegyn uptake is crucial for successful long distance running.This is how much oxygen you can get to your muscles. The other question is how do they train? What are these awesome people doing that's different from the rest. The answer may surprise you!
Many of these elites talk about how they had to run to school or work. No cars, just feet. Their respective school or workplace was ten miles away so they ran to and from each day. If it takes you less than hour to run ten miles, then that's less than most people's morning commute. Clearly they are not stopping for coffee on the way or sitting in the parking lot for a smoke. They did not have coaches or fancy watches. They just had to get from point A to point B. Some people spend all this money on special equipment, expensive watches and iphone apps. These spectacular individuals just ran!
So what does this have to do with me. Not much! When I was learning about training of course I read up on them. What they did for training and how they tracked themselves. Honestly I wasn't shocked, it just made me fall in love with them even more. I'm never going to be as fast as them. I know that! I respect their struggle and I'm always so happy to see them win. I decided to take one thing from them though, I don't time my every minute. If I go straight from work I don't even carry my phone with me. Only when I'm running from my house or on a long run I bring it with me. I know what time I started, how long I'm going and what time I finished. This helps me just enjoy the run. I can tell when I'm going slow, when I'm going fast and when I'm going too fast. I listen to my breathing and know when to push it or when to slow the hell down!
I own lots of fun running clothes (I'm a girl, what can I say), running sneakers and a ton of hair accessories but I don't have a watch or app that tells me everytime I hit a kilometer. Running for me is my time in the day to just relax and that's why I love it. Sure I train to go faster, I look for hills and map out each run. I live in the moment. I just run and enjoy it. Now these lovely folks were just trying to get to work but we can all learn a lesson from them, but down the technology and enjoy. When your whole run is a constant track of your time, how do you enjoy it? For most of us this is not our proffession but our hobby. As the expression goes "If it's not fun, why do it?" I couldn't agree more! Three weeks to NYC and could not be more excited!!! Central Park here I come!

Only 1/2 crazy... My shakeout half in Boston

So I like to run a half before my marathons. It's a time to put on the prison number, feel a race, check my training and who dosen't love a free banana! The Boston athletic association is the group that runs the famous Boston marathon. It's famous for being one of the toughest marathons in the world. So of course, their half marathon had to be equally nuts! Perfect training for the NYC marathon. It gives the feeling that it can't be worse than this!! Gotta love Boston!

I was scared. I was injured two weeks before my last marathon and made the decision not to race until this half. Train hard and rehab was the goal. Last weekend I ran my twenty mile training run so a half was the perfect shakeout. I felt great on my training run so I figured I would be okay. Then I started to worry again that I was a one trick pony. What if I bust a knee? What if I have stomach issues? Race day is always scary but after 3 months.. You freak. I got up at 5 am and just decided to race and leave it all on the field. The BAA always puts on a great show. It's not a party. It always feels like a prestigious event. It was also a beautiful course, but a hill ridden "I'm going to kick your ass and make you feel like death!" Why I didn't think that a Boston approved race wasn't going to serve me my ass on a platter, I don't know! The last 5 miles were all uphill and I was so happy to see the finish.

That being said I had a personal best and came in way above what I thought would happen. I was also upset that we were at a zoo and not a damn furry creature in sight! I was promised the zoo!! I expect to see a fuzzy friend!! I guess you can't have it all:(. Kept an 8:30 split which is great and a great new running shirt. Plus the bragging rights of another great time on a Boston course. Although, anyone who finishes a Boston race gets bragging rights!!! Congrats to all who ran and now it's really time to get pumped for NYC!!! 

Running and the body... We are all different!

Everyone has insecurities. We all are our own worst critics. Personally, I'm definitely my own worst judge. Running can prove to you what the body is capable of in extreme conditions. During a marathon you realize what you are able to endure physically. With running your body changes and transforms into a machine capable of making a 26.2 mile journey many people can't even fathom. So at the end of the day why can't we all just see the beauty in that versus what we look like in the mirror?
Don't get me wrong, I'm the worst at this! Up until my 20 mile run this past weekend, I was feeling down about my body. I felt like I had a pooch and was looking terrible. I was comparing myself to others and their perfect abs, toned legs and arms and perfect behinds. Running has turned my body into a shape it's never been. My legs are very muscular and my arms are as well. I went and got my flu shot at work and the nurse asked my to stop flexing my arm muscle. I was thinking "I don't have any arm muscles, I don't lift!" My sweater puppies are completely gone. I'm not quite sure where they went but my guess is they left to find someone who bounces up and down less. Let's not even start on the back end! Because I lost so much weight rapidly I also have hanging skin on my stomach. I always joke that I have a four pack because the rest is covered by the sagging left over from Domino's. At this point, I will never look like Kim Kardashian or probably ever look good in skinny jeans without a baggy sweater to go over it.
The question I always ask myself when I'm feeling down is "Why do I care?" My goal at a certain point was to get down to a single digit size. Once I got there the whole crazy running journey started to take off. Many people at that point commented that I must be done losing weight. If I had not started running distances that I could only cover by running multiple towns then I would have probably stopped there. I caught the running disease though and dropped a significant amount of weight. I became the most degrading size ever, 0. I don't even get a number, yet I still felt large. Let's put some perspective on this though, I'm only 5'3". Yes I'm short. I'm perfectly within my BMI and really just have a tiny frame. for some reason though I look in the mirror and instead of seeing a bad ass runner, I see all the imperfections.
Like my girl Beyonce says "Pretty Hurts." For me, when I get down I go on a long run and remember what this imperfect body is capable of. Running that 20 mile run on Sunday showed me that maybe I have hanging skin, but I also have 2 marathon medals on my wall. One being the notorious Boston Marathon. Knowing that in a few short weeks I will take on the 5 boroughs and rack another medal, another jacket and another accomplishment in less than a year can soothe even the worst feeling of imperfection. Nobody is perfect and we should all just embrace who we are. I know way easier said than done but it's a beautiful thought like world peace or Jimmy Choo gold sandals. I know someday I will learn to love this body, or I will get so old I won't give a shit. Until then, I will run on and remember how cool it is to stop after 20 miles and think "Wholly f#%king shit!" Then get a coffee and smile to myself:). Less than 25 days until NYC!

The Taper... Wait, you want me to slow down?

So you spend months running miles, eating like a horse and have become the most anit-social person in the world. You get up at 5 am on a Sunday, run for hours and come home, eat, sleep and repeat. When your not running, your thinking about running. Then you take your last long run and your supposed to scale back. This is known as the taper, everyone runner's worst nightmare. It seems like it would be a dream; run less and eat like crazy. Trust me it's comparable to a dentist visit. It's a total mind f*%k! For most runners it's the most relaxing part of your day is the run. Now they tell you to scale back the miles. Runners are also aware of their weight and how that affects their speed, now still eat but run less? How does that not affect your brain. I would like to keep somewhat of a girly figure!  Runner's have all sorts of hang ups and the taper brings out the worst in an otherwise relaxed group. Take away our runner's high and we are a little (or a lot) cranky.
I'm always on edge during the taper. I'm a lot bit cranky and a little bit emotional. It's tough because A- I'm running less which is scary and you worry about your fitness and B- It means the race is around the corner. So not only is your stress relief slowly taken away but your getting nervous for the race itself. I've always dealt with the nerves of running with well, running. During the taper you can start to catch up on things like homework, laundry, clean every surface in your apartment, see a movie (or 12), reconnect with friends and other fun things you have lost in your training. You can also sit and worry, watch every piece of food that enters your mouth and freak out at every Facebook update from your upcoming race! Personally during the taper I slowly go into insanity. After your 20, your next is a half marathon (13.1). Many of us try to find a race to get our mind off the impending doom of a full. I'm running the Boston Athletic Association 1/2 this Sunday. A paper prison number in the early hours is always a way to get your mind off the pre-marathon pooch.
After your half the next is 8 miles. I run over 8 miles daily. Some people don't taper. It may drive me crazy but, it's a proven science even used by the elites. It honestly makes sense when your using your sane brain. Your body needs time to recover after running the 20 to make it all the way to 26.2! Even though my 20 felt amazing, I don't want to screw up my first NYC. I want to go and personally kill it! I will taper, lose my shit and afterwards celebrate and cry (a lot). Then I will start the whole crazy process again for Paris! So posts after this may sound a little cranky or like a crack addict detoxing and I apologize! With only 3 weeks to go (26 days thanks to NYRR Facebook updates!) it's time to lose my shit and get excited!!

20 mile run round up...

So the week before this long run I had been psyching myself out. I was worried about not making it, falling or pooping my pants. In all of my long runs, I've had to walk to finish, use the bathroom and mentally push through it. I woke up at 5 am on Sunday telling myself, "Maybe you already had your glory." I was thinking that maybe Boston was my one moment in time. After my last marathon, blowing my knee out at mile 16, I was worried that maybe I was done. Long running career, right? Truth be told I was comparing myself to others in a really stupid way and had tricked myself into thinking I couldn't perform. Maybe that was a good tactic or maybe my body was like "oh hell to the no! We are not done!"
First what I will say is City Sports, a store devoted to sports, puts on a great long run. The participants are usually friendly, they provide water, Gatorade and Gu (eww!), plus they map it out for you. I got there, changed and started shaking. Everyone was running different fall marathons from the Marine Corp to Dublin. A few NYC's but not as many as I thought. I was chatting with a few and started to relax. We took a group picture and headed out on the Boston course. I just told myself to pace it, it's a training run! I started out slow and fell quickly into the groove. What felt like 2 minutes I was at 5 miles, the first water stop. I was like "Wait, what, already?" Then what felt like 4 minutes later I was at mile 10. I was confused and I was not tired at all. I was thinking I must be going slow. Then I realized I had only been passed by a few runners, there was a ton of us. So I just kept going. I met up with a couple of runners and ran with them. We talked about the marathons we had done and our dream races. All of a sudden we were at mile 15. I was like wait a minute, this can't be right. I was still feeling great, just moving along. We talked to the water volunteer while we sipped and headed back out. We started talking again and one of them said "Hey we're at mile 17." I was thinking "Holy shit!" I felt completely fine. This can't be right? But then I saw the sign for the last town and realized it was. Then what felt like a minute later, we were done! I felt a little tired but nothing like I had on previous long runs. Then I found out I had a personal best. I was blown away. I never thought in a million years I would ever feel that good.
I didn't cry this time, well maybe a little. I was completely coherent the rest of the day. Went out to dinner with my family and feel pretty good today. Maybe my body has finally gotten used to the insanity. Maybe my training is finally working. Maybe I finally have just completely lost it. I'm not going to argue! I'll take it. I feel ready for NYC and learned a valuable lesson, never compare yourself to others. We all do it but don't get consumed by it. I learned this is my race and my experiences. The worst part is I wasn't comparing myself to other marathoners. It's time for the taper and for the BAA half this Sunday for my last long run.

Will I get there...

Every runner new, old, young, distance and sprinter asks themselves this question. As a new distance runner I find myself asking this question a lot. Everyday and on every run I worry will I make my mileage. Sometimes it's a short run, sometimes it's long but the fear while you suit up always seems to be there. I've often wondered if it's good or bad. It seems like a good thing to never be over confident. If you aren't a little afraid then what will push you? When your going out for your 20 mile run what will drive you to not stop? Every runner experiences fatigue and at some point you want to give in but a voice inside you tells you no. My inner voice tells me "run fat girl run!" But I'm sure everyone has some little saying their brain tells them. At a certain point you really do become delirious and really aren't quite sure what's going on but before that you have to mentally push yourself to keep going. I know that some runners are very confident and know they will make it. I've always wondered what that would feel like. Just running along thinking "I'm the shit!" Maybe this is better because they probably don't have to visit the lovely line of port-a-potty and risk getting scabies or crabs! Maybe after 50 marathons I will feel this way. Yeah... Probably not. Tomorrow is my 20 miler and I know I will spend the day freaking out. I'm running the Boston track for the 3rd time. I know it well, confident I won't get lost but, that voice is there telling me "you might not make it!" Hopefully it will push me. They say 3rd times a charm. I'm hoping they are right! Less than a month to NYC! 

It's Halloween.. and I have nothing to wear!

What the f#$k is this! So it's Halloween and it's time to find a costume for NYC. I will be in town for the marathon and I've been searching for the perfect costume. The problem is I will be running the marathon 2 days after Halloween so heels are out. It's also probably going to be extremely cold, so something that covers my ass would be nice. Unfortunately I don't have time to make a costume so I decided to look online and it was appalling! Why are there no appropriate costumes in my size!!
Running and weight loss will change your body in ways you never thought possible. I have muscular legs and arms, a defined stomach and randomly no toe nails. I'm still getting used to my new body and this year for Halloween I did not want some sexy costume showing off my nonexistent assets. I also have to run 26.2 miles 2 days later and 6 inch heels are not really on the menu. So I decided to look online and realized in my size I had two options; slutty and porn star. Sexy witch, playboy bunny and dirty kitty were the norms, but there was also some really funny yet disturbing options. For example; sexy Mario from the Nintendo game, sexy forest animals and my personal favorite sexy Chinese food takeout container. Yes that really was an option. You could also star in your own Disney Princess porn! Come on who doesn't want to be Princess Aurora in a bikini. All of these costumes would make me look like a tween who changed when her parents weren't looking. I wanted a clever yet covering costume I didn't have to spend time on. With training there is not much time to make a fancy costume worthy of the NYC parade. Unfortunately it's looking like I'm going as either Gumby or a sheet ghost:(. Or maybe I should just give in and go as a runner.
When did Halloween get sexist? Why are women supposed to be scantily clad on Halloween? It's a mystery I won't be able to solve by 10/31 this year! Maybe I will just have to purchase those chicken cutlet like breast enhancers and look like a fool. I'm thinking Gumby! The most important goal is to keep my body healthy for NY and enjoy a night out with friends before the race. Less than a month to NYC and hopefully a personal best:)!

Music or no music... That is the question?

My whole life has been choreographed. From warm up to cool down and everything in between. Dance goes hand in hand with music. Up until running this was the only exercise I had known except for walking. Music had always been a huge part of my life and for a long time, my job. Many will say they can't fathom running without music, but more long distance runners will actually be angry with people for using music on race day. So the big question and debate is A-should runners be aloud to use music and B- Is music enhancing or hindering when it comes to marathon running and beyond.
When I first started running I was just like everyone else, me and my trusty iPhone were stuck together like glue. I had a long running playlist but, due to my dance training, I had the whole run choreographed. I had a warm up song, pace songs (not at first, just your basic keep moving fat girl songs), then speed it up songs and finish strong songs. I was constantly updating my playlist, looking for better songs and had varied type of run playlists. For example; I had a men suck running playlist, I'm stressed playlist, I'm happy playlist and running sucks playlist. I was ball and chained to the music instead of enjoying the run.
About 3 weeks before my second marathon and 2 days after my 20 mile run, I was hit by a car. Don't cry for me Argintina! It was barely a tap on the leg and my right calf muscle was sore for a few weeks. I realized I was paying more attention to the music then my surroundings. The next day I gave up the music. It was the best thing for my running. I was no longer playing with my head phones, distracted by the music. I listened to my breathing and heart rate. My runs seemed shorter and I actually felt more in the moment with my thoughts. I also learned I say way too much out loud and swear like a sailor! My second marathon actually seemed shorter without the music. It took me longer than my first due to my knee giving out but it was actually more enjoyable.
I personally will probably not run with music ever again but I understand that some people need it. I don't think its fair to tell people they can't use it but, many races ban the use of head phones. It is very distracting. I can understand the reasoning behind it but whatever can get you through 26.2 miles, use it. Running without music has really improved my game and with only a month to NYC I'm ready. Plus there are 130 bands playing so I will be free to enjoy the party... Kinda!