What would a sub 3 hour marathon take?

The title of this post says that maybe I've lost my mind! I've been looking at training programs, trying to up my game and I looked at some programs for a sub 3 hour marathon. I read about a guy who ran his first in 4:05 then ran Chicago in 2:57. He mapped out his program and I thought "I could totally do that program but could I get his results?" I'm not sure if I'm capable of that kind of speed for a whole marathon but I could give it a shot. I mean go big or go home, right?

Most of these programs talk about healthy eating, well that's really not a problem. It's all about the training. Lots of articles claim run less with more intensity. All of the sub 3 hour programs say run more miles. It's really all about building your endurance. To be able to run those splits for 26.2 means you have to keep it up. It means double long runs, longer medium runs and no short runs. Basically running 300+ miles per month. This also means I'm going to be at nike town once a month! It's definitely hard core and could definitely push you to the point of insanity. Truth is this program could be my best plan to get a Boston qualifying time. It also could get me a serious training injury! Is it worth it? Plus all of these articles are posed towards guys. Is it possible for a recreational female to achieve this? It's biological, girls are slower. It's just our bodies. No need for me to feel like it's sexist. Dumb boys always win:(. 

I've got 4 months and the guy I read about did this in that exact time frame. If this program could shave off 16 minutes from my best I would be one of the few to qualify for just about any race I want. You never know what your capable unless you try, trust me I know! I tried double long runs this week and will try again this week. Start 2015 with a nutty program... Why the f$&k not. 104 days to Paris and time for this slow fat girl to get it together!! Maybe a sub 3 hour.. Probably not but maybe under 3:30 would be amazaballs!!

Winter running is harsh on the skin... Makeup!

Running in cold, dry weather can really take a toll on your skin. Even after all the layers come off and you jump in the shower just to get the body heat back, the damage is already done. Between putting on lotion before and after, moisturizing body wash and gentle face cleansers, it's going to get ugly! The elements of the winter attack you and all is dry and cracked. Now you look like the who done it and why! What do you do? Head back to the dreadmill? Hell no! You get makeup!

I love drug store makeup. My goal was to always find good cheap bargains that worked just as well as the expensive brand. NYX brand is amazing. I found it from Ru Paul's drag race and it stays on better than most. Now my complexion would be known as pasty. I've even used eyeshadow to cover up blemishes before because I'm so fair. It's actually kind of sad. Because of the dry conditions I've broken out like a 12 years tween. So now every morning I put on makeup like those girls on YouTube. I wake up as a crater faced monster and go to work a painted lady. Now I always forget to to off my makeup before my run. By the end I look like a watercolor portrait. So now I have to find some makeup to hold up to outdoor running. Nars seems to be the winner for most stage dancers so I might give that a try. MAC doesn't seem to hold up. NYX I'll probably try some more. 

Hopefully I'll find a brand that will hold up to the test and make me look like a 31 year old instead of someone going through puberty! 106 days until Paris and no one wants l to look bad in a city known for it's beauty!

What does the future hold..

It's been a crazy year and it's soon to be done. In about a week 2014 will be gone and 2015 kicks off. Three crazy marathons, two crazy halfs and an epic ride has been my 2014. So what happens in 2015? It starts with a half in my beloved NYC and then on to Paris! While Boston seems like just yesterday, it's onwards and upwards for this runner.

No matter what my time is Paris will be epic, it's Paris! You hit every major landmark you've ever heard of, it's perfect weather according to all accounts and it's not easy. I haven't quite decided if I'm going to go on a tour before hand or just experience it all during the race. It feels like it would be poetic to see it all on the course. Mile 18 is right under the Eiffel Tower! To see it up close in all it's glory during the race would be amazing! 

So it starts with Paris, but what's next? Chicago maybe? Another trip to NYC? Maybe Toronto? So many in the fall to choose from, I will leave it up to the lottery. Of course there are other things in life besides running? I never thought this would be my 2014, so what's going to happen in 2015? Only time will tell but I now know whatever happens will be epic. These past few years have been a total roller coaster from planning to party everyday, to losing 160lbs and then to become a 3x marathoner is kinda crazy now that I write it. Changing my whole life in the span of 3 years prepares you for anything!

2015 will be crazy if the past 3 are any indication. With Paris on deck I know at least April will be a time to remember! More halfs to check my training and another fall marathon will hopefully happen as long as there are no injuries. I'm just hoping it won't be the year I finally shit my pants:(. 109 days until France, Paris France!!! 

Determination... is there a limit?

Every runner has a goal. It may be to finally get through a 5k, run a half, a full or just to get out there everyday. Enjoying the process is important. I can't imagine training and hating it. The amount of running you have to do and then hating every minute of it would be awful. I don't care what anyone says, everyone has a time goal. Everyone has a target they want to hit. The question becomes where is the line of healthy determination and obsession. Most people who run marathons are always looking for that Boston qualifier. I want to get an under 3:30 marathon but many who run never qualify.
Right after NYC I started to think maybe I could get there. Maybe in Paris I would get that magical time that would make me a qualifier. I started to push myself harder and became obsessional with the process. My "determination" that was somewhat healthy before became over the top and I started to suck. I was starting to freak out and I sat down and really thought about what was going wrong. I was so focused that I missed the big picture, I'm going to Paris! Truth is, I was so focused on so many aspects of my life I needed to just relax. I was worried about my weight, boys and running. I totally lost focus on the most important part, this is for fun.
I've regrouped, revamped my training and decided to just go out and have fun. I'm still pushing myself and always finish my mileage. I have increased my miles per week, but if one run is slow it's not a reason to cry. If I'm up two pounds it's going to be okay. I just have to watch what I'm eating. If other things go wrong just sweat it out. Truth is the last couple of weeks I feel stronger and faster. My new mileage goals have been easier. I've also started to focus on the tourist parts of Paris. Looking up all there is to do, where to go and what to see. I run the marathon in the beginning of the trip so plenty of time to rest and relax around the streets of Paris. I'm getting back to the point, forget everything and just run. It got me this far. I'm going to let it take me farther. I'm going to go to Paris run an epic race and then pretend I'm Carrie Bradshaw and live my ultimate dream. To Paris.. with love in 111 days!!

Boston to New York... A year in training!

They say if you want to get healthy then exercise. If you want to change your life become a runner. They weren't kidding. A year ago I found out I would be running my first marathon. This wasn't just any marathon, but the Boston marathon. At that point I had only done a 5k. I put an application in thinking there is no shot in hell I'll get picked. Boy was I wrong. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I had just lost all the weight and had really just started running. I was at a very low point in my life. I was struggling to eat, my hair was virtually non existent and I was extremely depressed and suffering from anorexia. A year later my world couldn't be any different.
When I first started I had no clue what I was doing. How to eat, how many miles to run per day and proper equipment. Honestly, I wasn't even sure I could actually do this. I was listening to all of negative comments being made and taking it all to heart. Everyone had found out and office pool was started with most betting against me (including a teammate, yeah I kicked her ass!). I looked up training programs and gave it a go. I had only four months to prepare and decided to take it seriously. Once I got my shit together and worked on doing it the healthy way, I really started to enjoy the 5 am long runs on Sunday. I started to love running in the snow, ice and wind. My body started to change and every week I could run faster and longer. I knew there was a cut off time of 6:30 and I was determined to make it. I started to live for the run.
There became in a change in me. I wasn't so sad anymore. I had an easier time eating. I was actually happy to get up in the morning. I was actually excited for something. I started to be able to just block out all the negative and focus on the positive. I also started spending money on spandex and sneakers instead of designer clothes. It honestly felt like the sun had finally come out for the first time in years. I joined Facebook and found all my old friends. I was shocked at how many people were routing for me and happy for me. It was humbling to say the least. I was actually smiling and everyone else noticed.
I took my 20 mile run and actually nailed it. For someone who had never done these kinds of distances it was huge shock that I could actually do it. It was crazy to me and such a life changing moment. I, the girl who could barely walk a mile a few years ago ran 20 miles in less than 4 hours. I was in complete shock and cried like a sissy. 3 weeks later I ran the Boston marathon in 4:19. After running less than a year I shocked the shit out of many.. including myself.
After that I realized I loved it and wanted to continue. I also realized there are a ton of marathons and I wanted to run them all. I also learned that you need time to heal. My next marathon in Wakefield MA was a disaster. I had been hit by a car 3 weeks prior, I had terrible stomach issues from undiagnosed Celiac disease and bad sneakers. Even all of these couldn't stop me and I finished 77th. I realized that I must be doing something right because I was still getting faster. I had the best time at that race. I realized runners are really a friendly group of people. I started to notice I was being treated differently. People stopped questioning if I could actually do this to just asking whats the next race. I was no longer the under dog, I was the runner. Then came New York.
Training for New York was intense. I was so focused on running a sub 4 hour marathon. I refused to screw with my diet. I was determined to finally be victorious. I got good shoes, worked on my form and built up my endurance. It all paid off. 3:46, with my parents at the finish line. I was 8,549 out of 50,397 finishers, 341 out of 3,738 in my age group and 1,598 out 20,400 females! I finally proved I was competitor not just a finisher. Plus I ran a couple of half marathons, both under 2 hours and ran everyday like a true crazy person.
My next year kicks off with a half back in NYC and of course, Paris. This has truly been the craziest year of my life. I have met amazing people, learned who my true friends are and proved to the world don't count this little one out. Plus I've eaten more rice Chex than anyone ever should, spit all over Boston and never crapped my pants which is the ultimate victory. The best thing isn't my times or sweet medal collections, it's that I'm finally happy. 113 days until I run my dream... Paris. To the next year.. It's going to be epic!

Growing up... Fashion mistakes with a hint of finding yourself

As a teenager, I was a little weird. Well, I was really weird. I wore some of the most ridiculous outfits and did some pretty outrageous shit. Most of these shenanigans I regret, actually I regret 99% of it. I wanted to be a dancer on Broadway or a Britney Spear's back up dancer. Thank god none of the above happened. I taught dance for 13 years and became an exercise physiologist. During my youth I explored my "creative side", (That's putting it mildly) and in my adulthood I'm exploring my athletic side. I shopped at this store throughout my teenage years and they provided some of the craziest of outfits. When this popped into my email, because I've had the same email since I was about 15, it made me reminiscent of the kind of good old days.
As a kid I was always active even though I was bigger. I took dance at a local school and played various sports. I was always a good dancer but I kind of sucked at the rest. When I got to high school I played Field Hockey. We would have to run about 3 miles. I sucked and my coach let me know. The doctor's claimed I had asthma, what I had was out of shape syndrome. After that failed I became a cheerleader. I wasn't very good at that either but I loved the girls and sometimes that's way more important. I was also president of my class but that story is WAY too embarrassing to talk about. The only comment I'll make on that was what the f*%k was I thinking! I continued dance all through my school years and eventually became a dance teacher. I was actually half decent at this. Trust me that's gone as well.
My taste in clothes has clearly changed. I still love to be a little fashion forward but not over the top crazy. I no longer dye my hair pink or wear shirts with tigers and stars on it. My running clothes are all neon and bright but that's more for survival than fashion. No one wants to be run over, trust me it's happened and it sucks! When I started running I believed it would be like in school, I could maybe suffer through a 5k but I never thought I would be a marathoner. Yet here I am, training for my fourth. If you had told my fifteen year old self that this is who I would be at 31, I would have probably cried and thought that is awful. What I would tell her now is to not try so hard and just be you. I would also tell her to stop smoking and drinking and take off that crazy outfit but that's neither here nor there.
We all grow up, which actually feels amazing. Some people reminisce about the good old days. They miss the times when there parents paid for everything and there were no cares except for what they wore to school. Personally I would never want to be that age again. To have your parents as friends and support and to have your own life is lovely. Going to Paris was a dream as a kid and now will be a reality in 114 days. To find yourself running and live your dreams as you want. I never in a million years believed this is the blog I would have, of course blogs weren't really the thing. I used to be a nut ball dancer now I'm a runner. Nothing wrong with that... 114 days until Paris!!

Getting Specific... 4 months! Marathon de Paris

When I trained for Boston, it was all about the hills. It was my first and all you ever hear about is "Heart Break Hill". So hill training was on the menu. Wakefield was a wild card and I just kept with the same plan for Boston. NYC is all about the bridges so I took my butt all over town up and over bridges. Nothing prepared me for the wind tunnel but I'm not sure anything can:). I've never really trained for a half because I'm always in training for a full. With only 4 months to go before Paris, it's time to make the plan of attack.
Everything I've read about Paris is that it's beautiful. Either it's easy so you enjoy the scenery or it really is so amazing you don't notice that your feet are bleeding. From the elevation chart above it's like any one of the major races, not easy. Everyone swore up and down that New York was flat but trust me it's not. Seeing that it takes on average 6 hours for a beginner/charity runner, I knew not to believe the hype. They clearly made that route in NYC to be challenging. I'm glad I went in believing expect the unexpected because it helped big time. There does seem to be a huge down hill in the middle of Paris but that could be misleading. Plus there is clearly a huge uphill at mile 22 and unfortunately this is where I always seem to choke.
My plan of attack; endurance. I'm starting to consider a training plan that involves a 22 mile run at the end instead of 20. I've seen training plans online in the major publications. This might be my best bet in order to cure the 22 mile funk. I will most likely go out 135 again (Boston) and I will hit heart break hill just to get the feel of fatigue. Hill training seems to be the way to go again for this Parisian adventure. Plus my other goal is to learn how to drink and run at the same time. I really hate the sting of Gatorade up my nose. Longer runs with hills and drinking while running is the game plan! A little DWR on a Sunday morning!
26.2 miles is a long way and anything can happen. The next 3.5 months will be put up or shut up time. Snow, rain wind and pedestrian training is what I have to look forward to. Plus buying the Sea foam dress that Carrie wore when Big told her she's the one. Paris will be hard and hopefully I will get there and just leave it on the field. I can't wait to run this course after reading the reviews. It sounds like a mix of a party and an architectural foot tour. Of course it is, it's f*#king Paris! 115 days!!

Christmas and Food... It's all about the cookies!

Another holiday means another session of food everywhere. Cookies, cake and decedent holiday meals are approaching. There are countless articles on all the of the major running magazine websites about how to not have a hick up in your training. How to avoid temptation and stay on track seems to be the number one topic these days. It's actually kind of sad because the IOC just announced the Olympic schedule and no one cares. I was excited anyway, women's marathon is on Sunday 08/14/2016! The problem becomes if your in the middle of training and you need a certain amount of calories to sustain fitness, who do you get them the healthy way?
Cookies are not a way to fuel a run. You need protein and good carbs to fuel the inner nut ball. I have a very specific training diet that I adhere to everyday. My life is no longer about food but I do get everything I need to train hard. I don't really care about taste, it's not what makes me happy. The problem becomes when you can't eat any of the food that's there, how do you get enough to run the next day? These articles never seem to touch this topic. Maybe that's just a sign that I'm truly crazy.
It's hard to describe the feeling of being scared of food. For me, this whole issue is what holds me back from just being able to enjoy the holiday's. In my everyday life absolutely none of this is a problem. But for a couple of months in the winter I feel like I'm choking with fear for possibly the dumbest reason. Most people worry about everything else but a cookie scares me. What really sucks is no one seems to have the answer. Training smart for Paris is crucial because no one wants to be sick in a country they don't speak the language. Making sure your in peak physical condition is important plus I have a half in a month. This half could get me one step closer to qualifying and I don't want to screw it up. So how do you deal?
I have no clue and I seem to be no closer to the truth than I was last year. Paris means the world to me and to continue in a successful path would be lovely. We all have our own hang ups and I work everyday to fix mine. We all have a monkey on our back, they all just have different names. 120 days until Paris and I can't wait! Hopefully the focus of the race will help me get through the stressful times!

Running Paris... It kinda just hit me!

You go out everyday and hit the pavement. On your run you think about what happened during the day, what you have to do in the evening and what your going to wear tomorrow. You eat your training diet, go to work and focus on the mini dramas also known as life. When people ask about your next race you answer "I'm running Paris." Everyone looks a surprised and then the conversation launches into how cool it is. It's in about 4 months and feels far away, but today while looking at new luggage it finally hit. I'm running Paris.
Maybe because NYC now feels like a distant memory. A goal that's already been achieved. It's an amazing feeling to realize "This is really happening!" I have a number and receive the emails in both French and English. I was even sent an email today to remind me to buy my "I'm training for Marathon de Paris" t-shirt. It's 40$ and by the time it gets to me I will have probably done my 20 miler. The weight of this next race doesn't feel like weight at all. Today I felt butterflies just thinking about the race. To see the sights and to be part of something I never dreamed of is blowing my mind. I even saw the teaser video and started to cry. This girl who used to be an overweight slug is 4 months away from running the Paris marathon. I'm going to run under the Effiel Tower, past Notre Dame and Finish at the Arc de Triumph. Experience all these amazing landmarks for the first time. Plus crazy bragging rights forever doesn't hurt!
So much to focus on; what to pack, what to wear, pace times and passport photos. Hopefully the next 4 months will be injury free. I know that if I feel down I can always remember "Your running Paris". It's officially time to get pumped. It's time to make packing lists. It's time to take every precaution and focus on the big race. I will probably cry a lot more and watch a lot of French films. Time to learn French and find that damn outfit. One gripe, red running shorts and a black and white stripped tank top should not be this hard to find! 121 days and It's coming quick! Paris ready or not here I come!

Time for those 2016 resolutions... Boys

So I could go with the real obvious. Kill it in Paris, return to NYC or get into Chicago, personal best on a half, lose 10lbs, Boston blah blah blah... Truth is for 2016 I want to not make a bad guy mistake and screw with my training. The bad diet started with a bad guy moment then got worse from another.

I lost weight at first due to health reasons, then it all got out of hand due to a boy. I started the whole "let's eat 500 calories a day." because of a guy. My heart was broken and my mind was a mess. All the weight came off but, I was a mess and extremely breakable. That's when I met the next who took it to a whole new level of crazy.

Truth is I wasn't ready for a relationship but he was the first to make me feel pretty after the weight loss. He was off the charts nuts but great looking. I took the plunge because  for the first time I was wanted for my looks not my personality. That sounds awful just writing it! I had just started running but was not in training yet. My goal was to get smaller not become a better runner. I was still eating very little but running more and this is when I started to look really bad. Well let me tell you it got real crazy real quick but I still came back a few times in the hopes he could change. Yeah.. That never happens. 

What I've come to realize is you can't find happiness in what some guy thinks about you. Only you can make yourself feel good about yourself. So for 2016, feel good about myself first and boys come after that. Boys are lovely but I'm going to focus on liking myself again. Plus the obvious.. Paris!! Hopefully Chicago, maybe London?? NYC? Yeah long list:). I may not be pretty or fast but I will keep going and continue doing me, the healthy way. Paris... 122 days!!!

So exactly when can you call yourself a runner?

I've always wondered this. At what point can you call yourself a runner. I've always felt like if you put on sneakers and go out for a run, your a runner. Distance, pace time and number of races shouldn't matter, but if you get up and run, then your a runner. Many do not share this idea, in fact there are maybe way to many iseas on the subject.
I've heard that your not a runner if you haven't ran a full 5k yet. I've even heard the extreme of if you have not done a marathon. Some people never enter a race. They just go out everyday and run. Does this make them less of a runner. Races are expensive and if you get out there and do it, then why aren't you a runner? Why if you only can run a mile does that make you any less than someone who can run 26.2 miles. We all started somewhere and every mile counts. I've seen countless articles where runners believe that all marathons should have a cut off of 6 hours. Personally, who cares how long it takes, you still ran a marathon! I think if it takes that long there is a lot more heart and soul in the journey because that's a long time to be running. I would want to stop for lunch or something. To never give up like that, that's amazing to me.
for 95% of marathon runners this is purely recreational. We do it for the love of the sport, no one is sponsoring us, we actually pay to do this. How does that not make us a runner? We love it so much we train on our own time and pay our hard earned money to do it? Running any race distance is money spent that easily could have gone to other things. So why is that person less than the other? Personally speaking we are all runners if you put the time, effort and heart into day in and day out. It's passion most think is bat shit crazy but we love it and all deserve the title no matter if your fast or slow, long or short distance and every body type. If you ran a mile, you ran circles around everyone on the couch:).
I'm not sure if people would call me a runner, but no matter what, everyday my butt is out on the streets running. Just dreaming of Paris and staying in the zone. Maybe I'm just a girl who runs but that's fine with me because this girl is going to Paris! 123 days until this little nut runs around the most beautiful city in the world. 21118 will be in the blue wave grinning like an idiot and seeing her dream for the first time. Even if I'm not a runner yet I'll run like the wind!

The perfect lie... Social media

When I was heavier, sad and depressed I believed that most people on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter only used these platforms to show how wonderful their life was. It was a place to put your perfect family album out for the world to see. For so long I avoided being on any of the social sites because I was embarrassed of what I had become. I thought "What the hell would I put on there anyway? No kids, no husband and no real life to write about." What I didn't realize was that that's not what these sites are for.
When I decided to go on Facebook, I had already lost all the weight and was well into training and healing from my issues with depression and anorexia. I still felt pretty shameful but do to certain circumstances I gave it a go. Within the first four hours I had old friends from high school and college who were shocked at who I had become. To this day, I don't think what I do or have accomplished is really that amazing. I finally stopped being a gluten and I run. I was just part of the largest marathon ever and Paris has a field size of 50,000 and is completely filled. Clearly I'm not alone (thank god because that would be weird). Hundreds of thousands run marathons every year and if you read one of their pages you will see stories of triumph way better than mine. Honestly they inspire me to be better.
The one thing I've learned from my journey that trying to be perfect or trying to portray that I'm perfect is dumb. Of course I'm not perfect. At one point I weighed 280lbs, clearly there are some imperfections in the noggin! I've had horrible runs, horrible relationships that I have had a hand in the problems, and still go to therapy on top of running everyday. I hope what I come off as is flawed. I hope people see that I'm human and we all have bad days and our lives are not perfect. If I suck I write it. The main reason I post my times is because you can google it. It's up there for the world to see. Right now I'm in a point in my life, I am just trying to have fun, run, travel and finally live for the first time and this is my crazy adventure. You can come along for the ride:). I would hope that others see that it's okay to be flawed but still enjoy the good times. I will be honest, if I shit my pants I will write about it. If I suck it's going to be on here but if I kill it, it will be here too.
If your my friend on Facebook and have kids, I have said "Awe, how cute!" out loud in public. I love seeing my friends get married and their adorable families. I love seeing your dogs, vacations and random quotes. Most people don't put the bad stuff because who really wants to air dirty laundry? Well some do, but I will tell you right now, I don't post anything about anyone but myself. I also don't get personal due to some creepy stuff, but that's neither here nor there. What I've found is that Facebook and the like are places to catch up and for friends and families to see what your up to that maybe far away. So yes, everyday I talk about Paris because I can't f#$king wait! 123 days and it's going to be amazing! Plus all the crazy running fun that comes along the way:).

Holiday parties and training... What to wear, keep on track and be up for long run

Ah yes... The inevitable holiday party season has begun. Dresses, heels and alcohol are all on the menu this time of year.  I avoided these like the plague but, this year for the first time, I've decided to go. I've decided to to go to uncharted waters of holiday party land. So the question is, how do I stay on track with training?

Every girl does not want to look like a frumpy mess. What goes with holiday dresses... Heels! My feet are funky shaped to begin with but add in some running and it's a problem. Good thing it's winter because open toe is a no go. Also calf muscle strain scares me. I'm short and I want to be tall. Picking a cute pair of heels that will not possibly cause injury is a tough task. It's probably going to involve trying on every damn pair in the store. Short or midi dress is also the question? I have bulky runners legs and I'm not quite sure what looks good on my body anymore. Coming in showing off the he-man legs doesn't sound like a great idea. Plus heels make your calf muscles stick out. Not really feeling that look. Trying to be work appropriate but look cute is a tall order.

Food and alcohol are another problem. Showing up fashionably late will stave off the food problem but alcohol is another story. Everyone will be offering drinks and I'll be politely declining the whole night. My hope is everyone is drunk by the time I show up and they won't notice. 

I'm sure everything will be fine. New settings pose anxiety in this little runner. The good news is that my work knows about my journey and none of this will probably be an issue. There is also a personal reason (boys), but that's boring:). Paris is not that far away and an injury now will definitely derail progress so here's hoping I make it. Plus getting dressed up is always fun! 125 days until the ultimate experience of marathon de Paris!! 

Pressure from a personal best... Is that it?

Every race I've had a personal best. Even at Wakefield I ran a sub 6 minute mile. Of course that's the goal but you start to wonder "is that my actual personal best?". Is that the best I'm ever going to do? At the end of the day, if you finish a marathon it's a victory. But the problem becomes the fight to beat your time. All runners go through this. We all want to be faster than the last. So how do you get stronger without losing sight of the real goal, to love every damn minute of it.

This is something I've been struggling with. I want to do better in Paris. 3:46 is great but I want a sub 3:30 marathon. I can blame the wind all day long but in my heart I know it was my endurance. The goal has been to elongate my everyday runs to build up. After about 22 miles I feel like my body is cooked. The mental aspect of distance running kicks in and gets me to the finish. The problem becomes walking the fine line between enjoying and obsessing. Running is for fun. Even though I know I'm pushing myself to a breaking point I'm still loving it. I'm afraid of going to far. Pushing past your comfort zone is the point but going overboard can lead to injury. That would break my heart. Planning my epic Parisian adventure only to have it end painfully would kill me. Maybe this mentality will keep from going into the land of stupid but I'm scared of the threat. I see these numbers above and can hardly believe it's me. Yet I see them and think "you could do better!". 

I know right now it's time to get back on track. Yes it's true, more miles equalls better times but I have to be prudent. Running 20 miles a day leads to a torn hamstring in about 2.5 seconds. Plus you have to sit on inflatable donut and then you have to explain to everyone how you hurt your ass:(. Not cute. Plus holiday parties are coming and crutches and heels don't go! Paris is only a few months away and I need to remember it's all for fun. 

The rainbow connection..... Dreaming the dream of Paris!

So today I read something that made me have a slight exestential moment. I will tell you this, I have been in somewhat of a funk and it slightly woke my ass up. In life we get so hung up on the day to day grind that sometimes we forget to stop and think about all the good things that have come. We forget to think about all that has happened and be in the moment. After reading this (at the butt crack of dawn), I realized what an amazing journey I'm on and it's time to enjoy it. Getting hung up on finals, holiday worries and current mini dramas have somewhat soured the big picture, Marathon de Paris.
Everyone does it. We all fall victim of getting caught up in the what we don't have and what has passed us by. The things we thought we would have by now and what others have that we don't. This morning I realized that a- I wake up WAY to early and b-I'm training for Paris! I got into the Paris marathon and every run from now until April 12th 2015 is for making a dream since I was a kid come true. Getting faster, stronger and chasing the Boston qualifying time has weighed me down instead of just enjoying the run and getting excited for this amazing race. I've done Boston, what feels like several times, and there are so many others to do. Every major city has a marathon and I want to do them all. My major goal is to do all of the world majors by the time I'm 40. I will get back to Boston someday but I'm running Paris!
I will probably get faster not being obsessed with time. Go back out there and remember the point, fun. This little passage also made me realize how lucky I am for everything I have. At this point I did think I would maybe have a family but that's okay too. I have amazing friends and I have so much in my life to be greatful for that being sad or in a running funk should probably get me slapped. The amazing experiences that have come with this journey are priceless and the friends I've made along the way have filled my life with joy. Maybe I don't have the white picket fence and 2.5 kids and a safe but reliable car. What I do have is 1/4 my former body weight, epic race medals, great friends and a ticket to the most beautiful city's marathon.
Training should be fun and full of crazy amazing experiences and I feel like now is the time to enjoy the process. The shit that happens while running is always great for a laugh. The season is always full of nut balls, half marathons and epic tales of idiots knocking into me. This training season will be full of fun because now the clock really starts. I've recovered from my last and time to get ready for the next. I'm going back to what has worked for me in the last three... Just run! Do what I do and enjoy it! Hug my family and remember where I came from and never look back. 127 days to Paris and about a month until my next race. Central Park and I have a rematch! If your wondering about the title, yes I was listening to the rainbow connection while writing this!

Feeling like death.... go for a run!

It's funny, back in the day if I was sick I would lay in bed or on the couch, eat saltines and whine if I had a cold. These days if I have a cold, I go for a run. Most people would think this is extremely stupid but it actually makes you feel better... for like 5 seconds. There is actually evidence to support that as long as it has not escalated to more than a head cold it's actually good to run. Sniffles, sneezing and coughing are totally cool. Plus snot rockets left all over your route is fun for everyone (sorry Boston).
Ever since I started training not much could derail me from a run. Stomach bug, cold or muscle pains have yet to stop me. Like the saying goes "after 5-6 miles you can't feel anything anyway!" Of course, there are times when it's not okay to run like pneumonia or bronchitis but since I've been running I've yet to really get sick. I also get the flu shot but I'm pretty sure that because of the running it has boosted my immune system. There is also a lot of evidence to support this theory as well. As you all know I don't go into scientific detail on my blog because that shit can get boring.
Maybe it's due to the healthy diet and exercise I've yet to get really sick but the amount of fun mucus that has been coming up has definitely had me question my new priorities. I used to think it's gross to spit in public but now when I'm on a run... It's like target practice. I make sure I don't hit anyone and try to get it in the road. Usually it just ends up on me:(. It feels like after about 2 miles my system is just expelling everything. I leak like a faucet. Snot and spit all over me just trucking along, I must look lovely. The things I've become okay with should really start to scare me.
With plenty of time to Paris, I'm definitely watching myself and listening to my body. Plus my half in a month, keeping fit but not taking risks is a must. 132 days until a Parisian adventure but hopefully I'll be all cleared up and snot/mucus free. Au revoir everyone!

Marathon de Paris.. Christmas Wishes!

All the Christmas lights are up in the city. All the stores are screaming "Buy Shit!" Black Friday and Cyber Monday have come and gone. So it's December (when did that happen?), and it's time we all think about what we want for Christmas. The usual is always on the list; world peace, end to hunger, cures for cancer and aids, homes for the homeless and beers for the beer less. Plus a cute handbag! Then I started to think about what I really wanted for Christmas and of course, it all had to do with running my next marathon. So here it is; what I hope for Christmas this year.
First I want want every runner wants, a personal best. That's kind of obvious! Not every marathon you run will be a personal best. A lot can happen in 26.2 miles, but that's what you train months for, so here's hoping! I did extremely well in NYC and that might be my one shining moment. If it is, that's okay. If I'm close to that in Paris, it means I'm on the right track. Which leads into what I want next.
Second, I want to qualify for Boston. Even if I never go back, it would be cool just to know. To be able to qualify in less than a year... Epic! I would need to shave off 12 minutes to do so which is really not a long shot. As long as I take care of myself and keep up the training, it's definitely possible. The other good/bad news is I'm getting older and qualifying times last two years. Really I only need to shave off about 3 minutes and I will qualify for 2017. Here's the thing, why wait! It may be years before I get back to Boston but to know I'm a beast would be awesome.
Third, Better race photos. My Boston ones I looked happy up until I hit the wall. I was also going a lot slower. NYC and my halfs, I looked like crap. I would love that picture where I'm rounding the Eiffel Tower to look amazing. It should be a picture I cherish forever. Unfortunately it's at about mile 20! That usually means your going to look like crap. So hopefully my hair will still look okay and I will remember to smile. Let's be honest, I will be pushing it and I will probably look like I'm constipated, just like NYC:(.
Fourth, perfect outfit and actually a good hairstyle. Boston I had no choice, my halfs I cared less and NYC my shorts turned into panties about mile 6. My hair always looks like a mess at the end. I know, I just ran a marathon but still.. I want to look decent. I want the perfect Parisian outfit and a hairstyle that holds up. Maybe a running Bikini... yeah umm no! Not too much to ask. Maybe even a hair bow. I'm actually way to old for that mess. I want something that says I'm a bad ass runner but I can be cute at the same time. Girly yet don't mess with me.
Fifth is the usual, No injuries, illness or crapping my pants! No bathroom breaks and to feel good at the end. That really is the goal. A successful marathon is one you finish comfortably. To enjoy every minute of it and end thinking "Holy shit! I just ran Paris!" Well, hopefully Santa will bring me these wishes and bring beer to the beer less. 133 days from now it will be on and cracking! Au revoir!

#feelnoshame...

So today is world aids day and the theme is feel no shame. Everyone is supposed to share a fear they have or something they feel shameful of. Because of the stigma surrounding the disease many don't get tested or get treatment. Never be ashamed and get tested. These days it can be treated and it's no longer a death sentence. It's also nothing to be ashamed of. We all make mistakes, we are human and sometimes we don't even know we made a mistake. Also practicing safe sex is important and never feel like you can't. No glove, no love! Well now that we have gotten that out of the way, here is my shameful admission. I'm still scared to eat.

I've ran two world majors, another in the middle of the night with a bum knee and finished 77th. Plus two half marathons and a run streak since April. Yet at thanksgiving I had a full on panic attack over beer and pie! I can run with millions watching, put away the nerves but a pie placed in front of me sends me into fight or flight mode. Having a beer passed to me has me shaking like a leaf. The thought of wanting a piece sent me into a nightmare worse than being told Forever 21 was going out of business! I cried the whole way home in the car over food. My food issues are so embarrassing to me. I always wonder what's my problem? Yet there I was losing my shit over an innocent pie who did nothing wrong to me. I live in such a controlled bubble surrounding my food that it's sad. The thought of not knowing exactly what's in the food makes my face break out. I'm a marathon runner who is scared of food. That's my shame.

We all have skeletons in the closet. We are all human and we should embrace that and never let it get in the way of our health. Get tested if you haven't and never feel alone! For me, my shame is my stumbling block on the road to Paris. It's something that people have made fun of me for and made me ashamed. But today I'm putting it out there and hopefully I can succeed! I have 134 days until I say bonjour to my ultimate goal. Paris!!!

Paris training blues...

So it has begun again. It's hard to explain but I'm going to give it a try. The weeks before a huge race are filled with nerves, excitement and toe tape. The in between time is filled with fear and self doubt. They say it takes about 4 weeks to truly recover from a marathon. Now that I'm 4 weeks out from NYC, the fear for Paris has set in. 

You worry about your pace time, injuries and diet. It's a mental game mostly. After running 3, I've learned it's all in the head. The months are filled with good runs, bad runs, good days and bad days. They are filled with self doubt and nerves. This time it's also filled with outfit planning, learning the language and planning my first Parisian adventure. Good is coming with the bad this time. It's exciting knowing I'm finally going to Paris but, the fear of a race is also present. Plus still being in the holiday season and having eating issues isn't helping. So how do I stay in the game? 

It feels like the battle has just begun and the fight will be epic. With less than 5 months to go the goal is endurance training and not lose my shit! More miles, faster speed runs and get excited for the most epic race... Paris!! Every girls dream!

French sophistication...

When a girl dreams all her life of going to Paris, she certainly does not want to screw it up. My goal is to run like an American bad ass but, come off like a true Parisian. Show them what a girl from the city of qualifiers can do race wise, but walk the streets as one of their own. Be classy, be fashionable and be able to ask questions in a perfect French accent. Not too many goals. Run a personal best, learn as much French as possible and look like a French fashionista. Should be easy right? 

We all know how the French think of Americans. We are loud, have no class and no taste. We all wear fanny packs, mom jeans and want French fries. We have no taste and want some ugly purse that has a huge emblem on it that screams "Dior". Well this little runner doesn't want to change their mind, I just don't want them to suspect I'm from the states. 

So a huge "to do" checklist before Paris. 1- learn enough conversational French with the right accent. I want to be able to ask the basics and to understand the answer. I have a ton of French music my iPhone and I've been listening to get a better sense of the pronunciation. I'm also singing along with no clue what their saying. For all I know the song is about dirty clowns.

2- Read French vogue and get a sense of the trends. See what these parisian's are rocking and mimic it on a budget. No fanny packs for this one!!

3- Keep up the training! Only on 4/12 will I show my true nationality and home city! Runners from all over the world know about Boston and what this city does. I want to show up and show them in Boston... We don't mess around! 

140 days to my most epic race to date. Ran my home, ran my favorite now time to run my dream. To Paris with love and Nike's! Au revoir to the hot mess and bonjour to the runner who is about to kill it American style in Paris! 

The Holiday's are coming... Oh crap!

There are so many races associated with the holidays. There are Turkey trots and Santa Hustles all over the US. It's a time of year when you get together with your family, eat, drink and be merry. Well for this little runner I seemed to be plagued with anxiety. The fear of getting off track has sent me into a panic like no other. I keep asking myself "What's my damn problem?" Yet I seem to be unable to answer this question. I know I will run throughout and control my food but, crap! When in training, how do you handle the Holiday's?
I've never been in training in the holiday season. I received my number for Boston on Christmas eve last year. During last years festivities I was struggling with my eating disorder and it was extremely visible. I barely ate anything and threw myself into helping with cleaning. I was such into the thick of my problems, I almost didn't notice all the possible temptation. When your that controlled and crazy it's really hard to fall off the wagon. This year I'm training for possibly my biggest race ever and crippled with fear about the possible derailment in training. What I'm realizing is the holidays are sending me back into a dark hole I fought so hard to get out of.
Right now if your running a spring marathon you have your number. Your already in training and your long run is probably up to about 10 miles if your a first-timer. If your one of the serial offenders your probably taking 16-17 mile long runs and really just maintaining fitness. Your on your training specific diet and just trying to deal with the zub zero temps that are part of the winter season. Many of us have in-between races we are also preparing for. Right now, my prescribed caloric intake is a lot higher then the average person. The amount of calories I need to consume per day just to maintain race weight would probably shock most people. Without the fear of the holidays it doesn't even phase me. Probably because I eat the same thing pretty much everyday without variation. I think the fear of no control has turned my brain into taking extreme control. Many people say they run so they can eat. For me if I eat something dense I feel like a blob on the run.
Falling off the wagon by not eating enough is just as bad, if not worse. Running on empty is something I've experienced and gets you nowhere.. literally! When I started training last year I had no clue how to fuel properly and ended up half with it in the middle of Copley Square in Boston. It was scary to say the least. Propper nutrition in any sporting activity is crucial. I've screwed this up so many times that now I know exactly when it's happening and know when to eat. Basically I get extremely dizzy. I usually have snacks in my purse at all times just in case. Every girl should have lip gloss, pocket mirror and apple sauce in their purse:). Plus all of my newly diagnosed food allergies make it 10x as difficult. No dairy or gluten and also fat makes eating anywhere but your own personal kitchen difficult.
I know that I have a lot of time between the holidays and my next race (Fred Lebow memorial half in the gorgeous Central Park 1/25). If I fall off the wagon food wise, I have plenty of time to get back on. Clearly I have a lot of time before Paris. This is when just running to enjoy it essential. Running has become the thing that helps me let go of the issues in a healthy way. Unfortunately because of the stress I've hit the wall. Hope fully my mind will shut the bleep up and I will go and enjoy my family who have been amazing through this crazy process. I have also booked my poor therapist up until New Years. As any runner will tell you, screwing with training can scare the bejesus out of us. I just need to remember PARIS! 143 days until I say "Bonjour" to my dream city!

The training mental road block....

Every runner in training has experienced a moment when they question themselves and their goal. It's hard to be strong 24/7. We all experience moments of weakness. We are human but it's what you do with that block that can make or break you. From elites to newbies sometimes the road gets tough. 

Not going to lie, I've hit the wall mentally. The relentless fight I think may have finally taken it's toll. From running hundreds of miles, constant laundry, fatigue and being forced to evaluate who I am recently has worn this nut ball down. I feel like the person I am has never changed but just the goals. I'm not even close to perfect but maybe just a little stronger. 

Sometimes you wonder why do I keep going? What's it all for in the end? Is this really all worth it? The answer is of course it's worth it! To be able to experience what so few get to is amazing. Being part of such amazing events are truly life changing. In order to be part of these events, you have to train. I know at the end of the day, I will slap on the spandex, push my big butt out the door and be in the moment within seconds. The whole time dreaming of the champs élysées and the Eiffel Tower! 

It's happened to me in every training season. The fear of weight gain, injury, crapping my pants and not being able to finish. Everyday is a new day to run and to let go of the notion that quitters win. I just have to get on my game face and remember why I started in the first place. Plus to see Paris, f#%king awesome!! Time to stop the bull shit and get it together because winter comes and goes, spring time comes and Kenyans arrive in France! Plus a runner from Boston who hopefully will be ready to take on the world!

You want to go out Saturday night?... Sacrifice!

Unfortunately the answer to that question is usually no.. Long run Sunday is tough after a night out. Back in the day I was always out on a Saturday night at some club, being grinded on by some dude, puking in a bathroom somewhere. Parties, nightclubs, and bars was where you could find me most nights of the week. Now if you need me, my feet are up and I'm relaxing for my run the next day. Marathon runner's sacrifice so much for their goal. We do go out once in a while and hang with friends, but party until morning is usually out of the question. When training we sacrifice so much for the goal. We give up things most people could never live without. We give up foods, social events and expensive items to pay for race fees. I've also given up toe nails but that's neither here nor there. At the end of the day it's all worth it for that feeling of crossing the finish line and the medal forever on your wall.
I sometimes feel like I've given up everything. I've given up expensive clothes and shoes. I've given up alcohol and many foods. I've become the girl who at 11p.m. turns into a pumpkin. No pedicures or manicures anymore. There are times when I question this decision when I see a new purse I want or I smell pizza or beer. There are times I look on Facebook and see my friend's pictures of partying and I wish I could go. I read Vogue magazine and see the latest trends and want to go out and buy them. Take a weekend holiday somewhere. The list can go on and on, but I always remind myself that what I'm training for is too amazing to give up.
I know that without training I would not be as happy as I am today. If I eat the pizza I'm just going to get extremely sick. If I buy the purse, I would like it for a minute and just see another I wanted. I can go to the party for a while and by 11, everyone will be drunk anyway so my sober ass will be fine to go. Mani's and Pedi's last for a few days then chip, I'll paint them myself for cheaper. Finding bargains on clothes have become it's own fun game in itself. The rest of the sacrifices sting for a minute but at the end of the day running is much more important to me. To have achieved my goal three times over now feels so good that I can't imagine going back.
I've made new friends, seen new things, had new experiences and feel like now I'm actually living versus the things I've sacrificed. For every dream you will have to sacrifice to get there. If it's worth it, you won't even miss it. Maybe I don't have expensive things but I do own a Tiffany's medal. I have a world I never dreamed of and if you achieve your dream I promise those sacrifices will no longer be sacrifices. To give up so much to go to Paris doesn't really feel like a sacrifice at all. I don't even flinch at saving my money. I have no desire for the pizza or the booze. I've dreamed of Paris my whole life and it's completely worth it. To give up everything honestly feels like I did not sacrifice but got a brand new beautiful life instead. So now when I see people partying or buying expensive things I just say to myself "PARIS!". Less than five months to the race of a lifetime!!

So your 31... Life plans

The ever famous running stroller. The exercise tool for so many new mothers. Taking your little ones on a run to get off the baby weight. I've had the question "so when are you going to settle down and have kids?" a lot lately. Here is my sort of answer.

I think the thought is I lost all this weight so it's time to catch a man, get married and have babies. Basically people are insinuating that prior it was not possible. Let's be real I dated jerks heavy and thin. Also, I just got there, I want to enjoy it for a while. I also think it's a personal victory that I did not marry and procreate with my previous love interests. At my age though, everyone seems to wonder when I'm going to start making babies?

Answer... not anytime soon. I was thinking about it a lot on my run and realized I have to many dreams to fulfill before I make mini-marathoners. I want to travel the world and really live. I stayed in bubble too long and these tiny, pretty gross feet need to run around the world. London, Berlin, Tokyo, the Great Wall of China, Rome and the original in Athens internationally and Chicago, all of the service marathons, Seattle and return trips to Boston and NYC stateside are priorities to me. This could happen with kids but it will be tough. I want to finally enjoy life and see everything the world has to offer... Plus run every damn race and have a really bad ass medal collection:).

To give it up and be selfless for a child is not in my plans and I'm kinda sick of everybody making me feel old. I have plenty of time. Someday I will pump out some future running nuts, but for now, it's time to live and run. I want to look back and have no regrets so I can be the best mom ever. See, you do have deep thoughts on a run! My third bucket list marathon is not far away... PARIS!!! I'm going to Paris.... Enough said!! Less than 5 months!!! 

The Gym... No way, not anymore!

Lot's of people love the gym. For some it's like the Cheer's bar "Where everybody knows your name". Lot's of people love cross training and lifting weights. The gym has so many benefits and is a great thing. Plus you can wear cute outfits all year round there! For me personally, I hate the gym. I suck at lifting weights, I get self-concious still and I hate the treadmill with a passion. I started out at the gym and found my love for running there but... No way in hell am I going back. Here is why..
After losing a eighty pounds it was time to get active again. Dancing, cheerleading and walking had always been my exercise. I played sports throughout my teen years and danced up until I was done college. So when it was time to start moving again I signed up for the gym. I went with the judgement free zone, Planet Fitness. I developed a program straight from the book. I walked on the treadmill for an hour and designed a lift program with core exercises (abdominal fun). It took 2 hours a day five days a week. It was the most boring thing I had ever done but it worked for a while. I saw results in my fitness. I was becoming more toned. I was still dieting so the weight was coming off anyway. I hated every damn minute of it. I was so persistent in my goals and that was the only reason I kept with it. The walking got faster, and I put myself on a hill program. I was still lifting and doing core exercises. One night when I got home I sat down and thought about running and devised the plan that started it all. I would run on the piece of shit treadmill for the last five minutes each time and slowly work my way up.
Not only did I hate my life while I was at the gym, but I felt extremely self concious even though it was called the judgement free zone. I was still overweight and looked horrible in my gym clothes. I wanted to workout and have no one see me. That's kind of hard at a public gym! So I would go to the gym really early or really late so the amount of people was less. I was so embarrassed with my self that it actually hindered my progress. I'm not sure why it never occured to me to walk/run outside and purchase some dumbbells. I think everyone just thinks they need to go to the gym when they really don't. It has become ingrained in society that that's the way to get fit. I could have done everything I did without going to the gym but there I was hating every minute of it crying in my car on the way home.
The first five minutes of running felt worse than any marathon I've ever participated in. I hacked, wheezed and felt like I was going to throw up. I was running about a 13 minute mile. I knew it was going to suck until I was trained and just kept moving. Every gym trip I just told myself it would get easier. I ran with music and tried to not pay attention to anyone else. After about 2 months I was able to run walk about 20 minutes, that's when I ventured outside. I was still going to the gym but also incorporating outdoors. It was about 2.5 miles of flat suburbia. I ran in the middle of nowhere so know one could see. I was also living in the middle of nowhere so that was pretty easy. In the fall I moved back to Cambridge and got rid of my car. I was still a member at Planet Fitness and went everyday after work. On the weekends I tried running around the city in the extremely early hours of the morning. The gym in the city was much more crowded. There was always a line for the treadmill and abdominal machines. I was still to chicken to run in less than perfect weather so I would still hit the treadmill. I could run for 30 minutes without stopping at this point and getting faster. I still felt self concious and became aware of the fact that people do actually watch what your doing.
By Christmas the weight was gone and I recieved my number for Boston. This past winter was one of the most brutal winters and I had told myself I couldn't run in a blizzard (so not true!). This is when my gym time came to an end.
I was kicked off the treadmill for being on too long. Nowhere did it say a time limit and I had to get in a run for Boston. At that moment I cancled and have never looked back. I wanted to be a runner and run outside. There is no weather in Boston you cannot run in. I refuse to go back. I've learned to run in any condition and love it. The gym gave me a horrible complex and I'm a firm believer in if you don't love you won't stick with it! The gym is not for everyone and that's ok! It's also ok to love it. My hat is off to anyone who does. For me, the fresh air and city sights are the best way to run! that's why I love city marathons, you get to see the city while you run. Plus being outside I personally feel less self concious. Maybe I just love it too damn much. So if your wondering do I lift? Nope! I just run everyday. That's all I do. Nothing fancy just me, sneakers, spandex, some woodland city creatures and sidewalks. Paris city sights, smells and sounds will be my next adventure and will be epic!! Here I come Paris!!

My heart will go on... Heart disease and Marathon running.

I hated that dumb movie:)! This is going to be a somewhat controversial blog. I am an exercise physiologist who has done her research. I could use all the big words and cite all the articles but this is not my dissertation. This is my dumb blog about girly issues and running. I have read countless articles from all the major medical journals and this is my non medical terminology synopsis of the evidence on heart disease and marathon running. This is my point of view and not a medical professionals opinion. Would you really want to read it is it was straight out of a research journal anyway? If you want the facts, go to google scholar and type in marathon and running. So many articles from the London marathon and my hometown and first, Boston.
Truth is there is evidence to support that after a marathon the heart is strained and shows visible signs of wear and tear. Running 26.2 miles in a decent time is going to take a toll physically. The amount of blood that is needed to flow to get oxygen to the muscles is astronomical. Of course the heart is going to be working overtime to pump all that blood. As an exercise physiologist I knew the answer before I read the articles. If you have studied anatomy and physiology, it's just common sense. If you run a marathon, it probably means you trained and have been running crazy amounts. So not only did you work your heart on race day, but you have been doing it for months or years. So at the end of the day you have a higher chance of a sudden cardiac event then someone who runs 5k's.
Ok, so we have established that yes, it's true. Now let's look at it from a different point of view. Well, my point of view. If you have seen my posts you know I'm a former hot mess. I was a drunk, overweight idiot. Then, I went the opposite direction and had a hard time eating. Either way I was doing extreme damage to my body and the picture of health I was not! During training I developed a healthy diet that full filled all my nutrient requirements. I also ate the right amount of calories per day. My hair is growing back and I don't look like death slightly warmed over. My resting heart rate is about 47, it used to be 90-120 when I was overweight. My blood pressure is always 100/62, when I was overweight it was 160/90. All of my blood work comes back better then average.
More importantly, when I started training I was suffering from a broken heart. Damage from years of depression and anxiety had finally taken it's toll. I would cry over dinner and refused to eat more than 800 calories per day. My hair was practically gone and I looked like I hadn't slept in months. Truth is marathon running saved my life.
The answer no one wants to hear... I don't give a shit:). To live a happy life running my behind all over the world, meeting new people and enjoying the fresh air is worth it to me. To say I would die happy is an understatement. In less than a year my world has changed, I've changed! I smile all the time, a bad day is not a catastrophic event and I laugh all the time. I feel healthy every morning (a little sore but healthy). I'm running f*#king Paris in 5 months. I'm going to my dream city and getting run it's marathon. I want to do it all while I'm young and healthy. Truth is I could either die of a broken heart or live a long healthy life as a marathoner and live my dream. Seems like an easy choice:)! 5 months to Paris, 2 months to 1/2 in Central Park!

Wrapped up like a Burrito... Winter running

It's almost like a game. How many pairs of spandex, shirts, coats, scarfs, hats and gloves can you wear and still achieve your split time? At first, I was so scared to run in the winter. I've come to really enjoy it and looking forward to early morning snow runs on the weekend. It's so quiet and peaceful out. Plus it's absolutely beautiful with the city covered in white. Until the plows come and make it brown of course. Unfortunately there is a lot of precautions runner's have to take to not get hypothermia, eat pavement when ice is covering the side walks and stay visible because there is about 2 hours of daytime.
First off, clothing. My laundry bill is insane during the winter trainning season. The amount of layers you wear is ridiculus. Of course you have all the dry fit, stay warm technology that really only gives you peace of mind. You still sweat, lose all your body heat and shiver like a leaf after you run. I always make sure to get a hot coffee on the way home after a long run. As soon as I get home, I jump in the shower after pulling off 17 layers of wet spandex. Give that a try when your hands are numb. I'm sure it looks crazy. My best advice, lot's of layers and be ready to feel cold.
Now the whole running on ice deal sucks. I ate so much pavement trainning for Boston last year it was crazy. I know my Paris trainning will involve more now that I'm faster. It's always slick as snot on a door knob in one section of my long run. I'm sure I'll be doing the runner's prance in that area again. Imagine someone looking like they might have just crapped their pants. It's that elegant. Plus I don't care what fancy sneakers you have, they are not snow shoes! Your are going to slip. I will say this, Nike's will keep your feet dry. I can't handle the treadmill so no matter the weather my ass is hitting the pavement.
The one problem is hypothermia, for me anyway. My hands and feet turn white and go numb. For me this is the only downside to winter running. I have to run my hands under hot water pretty much imediately. It sucks because this is my favorite running season. I guess you just have to take the good with the bad.
Time to get reflective warm clothes for another winter training season. Paris is at the beggining of April. Time to run in the snow, ice and sub zero temps. I'm not going to lie I'm excited! I'm getting ready for Paris. A little cold weather is not ging to slow this nut bag down. I'm ready to run the fashion capitol! 5 months full of snow, ice and crazy amazing experiences are upon me. Plus I'm running a half marathon in January in Central Park. It's going to be epic!

It needs to stop!

While I was heavy I never received a lot of feedback to my face. When I started losing weight I got a lot of compliments. When everyone had decided I was at a good weight I was told to stop. When I had a hard time eating people made awful remarks and started horrible rumors behind my back. When I started running/training I was told I looked like a man. Truth is more people said horrible things to me and about me when I lost the weight. Running has changed my body into a machine that I take extreme care of. That's my decision and my life. I have goals that I want to reach that are pretty obvious (read the title of the blog). You only live once is my motto and it's time for the body shaming to stop!

I've read countless articles lately on people calling others "skinny bitches". Truthfully I've been on both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between. I can tell you that it all hurts. The media celebrates slender girls and beefed up men. We are all human and we are all different and that should be understood. I think calling someone a skinny bitch is just as bad as calling someone fat. Neither is ok! I've been told I'm too skinny, look anorexic and I need a sandwich. I eat a sandwich every day for lunch. I've had the fact that I'm flat chested and have not much behind pointed out several times. If you don't think for five seconds that I don't look at Kim kardashian and think wow I'm a tween then your wrong. The amount of hate is horrible.

I've also had my muscles pointed out. My muscles are a product of hard work and dedication to my life dream. When I see woman who body build and do it the right way, it's amazing what they are able to do. The amount of discipline that is necessary to achieve that is frightening and should be celebrated. Not told they are gross. It's bullying all around.

On the other side women with curves are also beautiful. They look way better in a dress than I will. Calling anyone who is healthy and happy fat is cruel and wrong. I was not healthy and not happy. Just because someone is not a stick is not an indication of lazziness or lack of will power. Sometimes they are like I was. So let's call them names, that will make it better... No!!

We need to stop it. It's wrong and personally it makes me sick. For me it is so hurtful to get these comments because I've worked so hard to obtain my goals. If you wake up with me at 4 am on a Sunday and go for a 2-3 hour run with me and see the dumb ass grin on my face you would understand. So enough of calling each other out none of it makes the other ok! This body will hopefully get me to Paris and another PR. Maybe even a qualifying time. When I think about Paris all the negative comments go away:). 5 months!!!!

Bonjour, Madame Marathon de Paris!

All the layers of sweats thrown in Brooklyn have been trashed. Central Park has been cleaned and ready for the next big attraction. The New York Road Runners have already laid out the guidelines for entry into the 2015 marathon. I've celebrated, worn my medal at home in bed and looked at my awful race photo's (yeah.. won't be buying them!). Now it's time to get ready for my first international marathon, Marathon de Paris!
It's not an easy one. It's another Kenyan filled, giant field size marathon with all the sponsors, expo's and app's to track runners on. Truthfully, this may be the scariest thing I've ever done. I'll be running 26.2 miles in a country where I don't speak the language, have no idea where I'm going and will be with a tour group. Anything can happen but to run Paris is just blowing my mind. To run arguably the most beautiful city in the world is just insane. I've never even dreamed of this because it's a dream I never even thought possible. When I was looking into spring marathons knowing I did not want to take another trip to Hopkington this year, I found Paris. I knew the minute I read about it that I had to do it. Boston, then New York and then Paris was the perfect first marathon year. This training season will come with a lot of excitement and a lot to be nervous about.
My first plan of attack is to review NYC and fix what went wrong. Clearly the insane wind was a problem. I can't do anything to fix that so I've chalked it up to anything can happen. Races are any weather unless it's so dangerous like a tornado. There are no tornado's in Paris so no matter what, April 12th here I come. Second is my endurance. I hit the "wall" in Boston, in NYC I was tired but could keep going. In Paris I know I will get tired (it's a marathon), but I want to be able to keep pace until the end. Most likely some longer runs in between and possible double run days. I also know getting stronger just takes time and I have 5 months so hopefully if I work hard I will get stronger. Third, it's time for winter. I've seen Christmas stuff out already (can I enjoy Thanksgiving first!). That means snow, ice and sub zero temperature running. I've done this before and I know what to expect. I can tell you first hand that my laundry bill is about to quadruple! Four layers of shirts, two layers of pants, 3 pairs of socks and hats, scarfs and mittens every damn day!
I've learned to expect the unexpected. To anticipate that it will be harder than you thought and to just pace it and hope for the best. These giant races are about time and possible qualification but they are also about experiencing what so little do. It's about running in something bigger than you. It's about seeing the world and being present in the moment.You only live once, that one chance goes quick and is too valuable to not see everything. I will never win a marathon. That's not the point but if you can achieve little goals while doing something you have always dreamed of it's a bonus.
For the first time I will be able to fit into the clothes. I will probably be a size large in France but it's all good! I will be able to look like every other french girl walking down the beautiful city streets in fashion land. Well maybe a little more manly than most of the French women but I won't be judged for smoking. Flowers will be blooming, there will be a warmth in the air and nerves all in my stomach! Spring time in Paris will be put up or shut up time! I need to find a black and white stripped top and red bottoms! The outfit has to be on point for the fashion capital! Maybe I'll get a running bikini... No chance in hell! 5 months to the craziest thing I've ever done. Another moment to run and join the elites again the city of lights!

Marathon Hangover... The week after

So you train for months, eat a crazy specific diet and mentally drain yourself. The day comes, you run your heart out and finish victorious. Then it's over. Many of us know our next race. If we are truly crazy we know every next race for the next ten years. Still though, what happens when it's over. After a huge race, like NYC, what happens now is the question?
New York was a dream that is now over. I've wanted it for a year and I exceeded my goals. I've basked in the glory and have begun to prepare for Paris. Paris is a goal I never thought could be an option. It's almost hard to fathom this race. I also have a half in Central Park in January and my name is currently in the lottery for the official half marathon in NYC. I also know that I'm going to play the lottery for both New York and Chicago for the fall (maybe even Berlin). London for next spring would be crazy but, a possibility or maybe (if I qualify) another round in Boston. Tokyo is a far off dream that I will wait a little longer for considering it's random placement in the season (only Tokyo!).
So you go home and see that medal hanging on the wall, you remember running down 5th avenue and the moment you crossed that finish line. Even though Paris is right around the corner, a part of you feels the down of the moment gone. You worked so hard, came out ahead and now it's over. For me this lasts about a second because I always have a race right around the corner. A lot of people almost feel depressed afterwards. I know if I did not have a specific goal I would probably feel the same way. They always say running can be an adiction. I feel the high of the race is the actual addicting part. Working hard and finishing can be a high that is comprable to to many substances and common adictions. Trust me this is much healthier than drugs or alcohol but it can take a toll on you.
For me the way to deal has been to focus on the new task at hand. In Paris, I want to PR. I want to at least know I can qualify for Boston even if I never go back. To get stronger and faster is every runners goal. I was so close to qualifing in NYC that I can taste it. Hopefully less wind in Paris and I can make that dream a reality. Like I always say though, "I just want to finish and not shit my pants!"
For me, New York was proof that I am a runner. Like I have said before, I wanted to finally distance myself from my past and finally be put in the category of runner. I feel like i've finally achieved that goal and will be judged on my speed instead of my former self. It was really a dream come true and now it's time to focus on Paris and shaving 15 minutes off my time. Paris is another huge race and a chance on a global stage to prove once again I'm a runner. A chance to no longer be judged as a weight loss story but as a person who runs. A chance to feel victorius as a marathoner instead of a former overweight drunk. Those goals keep me from having the "what happens now?" feelings.

Run this Town Tonight! NYC round up!

New York is where dreams can come true, and mine did! I have dreamed of a sub 4 hour marathon, done! Being in the New York Times, didn't have to marry a rich guy! Did not want to use the bathroom, no scabies for me! The most beautiful course ever, all five boroughs, life changing! Honestly the most amazing day ever.
First I will say, NYC has this on the lock down. I arrived at the Public Library at 7 am and no wait to get on the bus. We took a nice ride through the city in a plush, warm bus. No school busses (take note BAA). It was actually really calming, until we hit Verrazano Bridge. That is when you realize "Holy shit, I'm here!" They drop you off into athlete's village thinking that bridge is crazy! Athlete's village for NYC kinda seemed like Disney World. You have your own village for your color with plenty of food and coffee. There was huge jumbo screens letting you know when to go in every language. When I saw this I realized just how big of a deal this was. People were there from all over the world to compete and my nerves sky rocketed! At that moment, I got called to my corral.
When I got to my corral you could see the lead up to the bridge and once again NYC did not disapoint! An actual gun went off and they started playing Frank Sinatra. Really! It was the coolest thing ever. I felt kinda stupid being mesmerized. That lasted about two seconds because I got pushed into the waiting line. Took one last trip to the bathroom and got in line. They walked us up to the bridge and then, BOOM. I was off and Franky was playing. I started to cry a little then but that all stopped when I hit the wind tunnel!
Verrezano bridge felt like I was being sucked into a black hole! Normally this is the most beautiful sight, but the whole time I was thinking "get me off this damn bridge now!" We were all knocking into each other and I just found a clearing and booked it. I knew the bridge was two miles long and decided to get out of there and then start pacing. Best idea I ever had. Once I was off the bridge we arrived in Brooklyn and it was crazy. So many people were there with "Welcome to Brooklyn" signs. When you enter the next borough, there is always a ton of signs that say welcome. Honestly the best part was that no matter where you were, there was a crowd. It really was a party. Through Brooklyn I realized two things; one, NYC is not flat and easy and two, I've really learned how to get in a groove and stay there. I just kept going and if I felt good I would speed up a little but to never sprint. I started to see the clocks and realized I was on track. I just tried to keep a level head and keep it steady. In brooklyn I passed the 4:15 and 4:00 pace groups, I just told myself keep in front of them and you will be fine.
Once we were in queens, I was shocked that I still felt really good. I just kept going and when I saw my time for the half, I realized I had already PR. I was thinking this can't be right. It was though and maybe that was what I needed to keep going. Queensborough bridge was the best view because You see Mannahttan and realize your almost there. I sprinted off that bridge, but still noticed people stopping and taking selfies! Seriously, this is a timed event dumb assess! Well, it's their time and they can do what they want with it I guess.
Mannhattan was crazy! the last ten miles were wall to wall people. Up first street, and over to the Bronx. The Bronx was the most disapointing because you only spent about a second there. It was like "Don't blink you will miss it!" Plus the church chior was amazing! Then, you see the 5th avenue bridge and realize your on the last leg.
This was the moment I realized the wind. You are so tired and the wind was trying to knock me over. I refused to give up! I ran down 5th avenue and into Central Park. It was perfect and wall to wall people. The cool thing I did not realize is for about a half a mile the spit you back out onto 5th avenue and you run down mid town. It was so cool and gave me that burst of energy to finsih strong.
Once back in Central Park it was the finish and I knew I was close to my goal so I booked it. I didn't notice my dad cheering I just say the finish line and sprinted. 3:46:12!!! I cried so hard when I finished because the volunteer told me it was ok to cry. AKA you look like crap but you ran a marathon so it's ok!
Paris is 5 months away and time to take this show on the global stage. Today starts a new training season full of snow, ice and craziness! I'll always rememeber Boston as the first and NYC as the best!