The Holiday's are coming... Oh crap!

There are so many races associated with the holidays. There are Turkey trots and Santa Hustles all over the US. It's a time of year when you get together with your family, eat, drink and be merry. Well for this little runner I seemed to be plagued with anxiety. The fear of getting off track has sent me into a panic like no other. I keep asking myself "What's my damn problem?" Yet I seem to be unable to answer this question. I know I will run throughout and control my food but, crap! When in training, how do you handle the Holiday's?
I've never been in training in the holiday season. I received my number for Boston on Christmas eve last year. During last years festivities I was struggling with my eating disorder and it was extremely visible. I barely ate anything and threw myself into helping with cleaning. I was such into the thick of my problems, I almost didn't notice all the possible temptation. When your that controlled and crazy it's really hard to fall off the wagon. This year I'm training for possibly my biggest race ever and crippled with fear about the possible derailment in training. What I'm realizing is the holidays are sending me back into a dark hole I fought so hard to get out of.
Right now if your running a spring marathon you have your number. Your already in training and your long run is probably up to about 10 miles if your a first-timer. If your one of the serial offenders your probably taking 16-17 mile long runs and really just maintaining fitness. Your on your training specific diet and just trying to deal with the zub zero temps that are part of the winter season. Many of us have in-between races we are also preparing for. Right now, my prescribed caloric intake is a lot higher then the average person. The amount of calories I need to consume per day just to maintain race weight would probably shock most people. Without the fear of the holidays it doesn't even phase me. Probably because I eat the same thing pretty much everyday without variation. I think the fear of no control has turned my brain into taking extreme control. Many people say they run so they can eat. For me if I eat something dense I feel like a blob on the run.
Falling off the wagon by not eating enough is just as bad, if not worse. Running on empty is something I've experienced and gets you nowhere.. literally! When I started training last year I had no clue how to fuel properly and ended up half with it in the middle of Copley Square in Boston. It was scary to say the least. Propper nutrition in any sporting activity is crucial. I've screwed this up so many times that now I know exactly when it's happening and know when to eat. Basically I get extremely dizzy. I usually have snacks in my purse at all times just in case. Every girl should have lip gloss, pocket mirror and apple sauce in their purse:). Plus all of my newly diagnosed food allergies make it 10x as difficult. No dairy or gluten and also fat makes eating anywhere but your own personal kitchen difficult.
I know that I have a lot of time between the holidays and my next race (Fred Lebow memorial half in the gorgeous Central Park 1/25). If I fall off the wagon food wise, I have plenty of time to get back on. Clearly I have a lot of time before Paris. This is when just running to enjoy it essential. Running has become the thing that helps me let go of the issues in a healthy way. Unfortunately because of the stress I've hit the wall. Hope fully my mind will shut the bleep up and I will go and enjoy my family who have been amazing through this crazy process. I have also booked my poor therapist up until New Years. As any runner will tell you, screwing with training can scare the bejesus out of us. I just need to remember PARIS! 143 days until I say "Bonjour" to my dream city!