Breaking point...

You love running. You can't imagine your life without it. You know it has made you a better person. You have proven 3 times over you are capable of what so few are. Then you hit a bad streak and question everything. I've been in training for less than a year, been on a running streak and gone through way to many pairs of sneakers. For the first time I questioned myself and thought "is this all still worth it?"

Maybe it's just burn out. I've been on a crazy training plan and having racking up the miles. In the past couple of months I've been running more miles per week then I ever have. I love the feeling of a long run but when your running multiple hours per day, you start to question your sanity. My legs are sore, actually my whole body is sore. Its actually more like pain. I'm tired all the time. I know it's an adjustment period when you increase mileage. My body is just getting used to it. It could also be the cold weather and record snow fall we have been receiving here in Boston. Running in the extreme weather can take a toll on you. It's possible I'm sore from that as well. Whatever the reason my be it's taken it's toll. For the first time in a long time I feel like I need a walker just to get around. 

Eating has been tough too. The amount of food I need to consume is taking a toll mentally. I haven't gained any weight but I haven't lost any recently and I was trying to shed a few pounds. I haven't been fueling properly and my running has really suffered. I know the answer is eating more and I'm trying but it's been tough on the old noggin. Your constantly worried about getting to big but you need to fuel to keep speed. It's such a mind fuck!

For the first time in a very long time I wanted to stop on my run this morning. It was a back to back long run morning and about 3/4 the way through I felt like stopping. I didn't because I'm way too stubborn for that and actually went longer. I felt I was barely moving but when I looked at my reflection it actually looked like I was moving. I think that's a sign of burn out. Tomorrow, weather permitting I'm taking an 18 mile run. I actually spent the day eating and resting. For the longest time I haven't felt like skipping a run so bad. I just keep asking myself "what am I doing?" I do feel like stopping. I'm sure it's a phase. I keep telling myself it's that time in training where it's grueling. I want to go to Paris but I keep wondering if I'm actually ready? I'm honestly scared I'm not prepared. I have never been this fast but it doesn't feel like enough. Maybe I just need sleep. 58 days until Paris and my nerves are getting the best of me. Like "crying and questioning my life" best of me. I don't think I've ever questioned myself this hard since training for Boston. It's too late now. 

Power of music... Just not while I'm running:)

Lots of people run with music. I don't but we all have songs that we listen too that inspires us. I've been told I clearly run in my sleep. (I aperantly fall often too)! So when I'm listening to music on the train, of course I think about the run! So I thought I would share my before race and everyday list. Plus it probably shows an in-depth look into my psyche. 

Number 1 is, Chandelier by Sia. I know it has the little girl from dance moms, but that's not why. The words actually remind me about my past. It's about her addiction problems and drinking too much. When I listen too it I remember those days, waking up feeling like ass. Drinking the pain away and then in the morning dealing with the problems again. Which leads to morning beers. When I run (sometimes) I feel like I'm flying so it reminds me to just keep going. Puke from a hard run, not from bad beer!

Number 2, Out of the Woods by Taylor Swift. I know I'm way to old for her music but finally she came came over to pop and it's awesome! Love that girl. This song reminds me of my ex situation and how I feel I'm still stuck in it. Many days when I start my run from work, I feel like I'm running away from him. After all this time, I always ask myself are we finally out of the damn woods yet? He's one of the reasons I started running and still continues to motivate... Still!

Number 3- Take on Me by A-ha. I know, random! This one is pretty obvious. I race, take me on bitches! No back story, just run fat girl, run song!

Number 4- Running up that Hill by Placebo. Another obvious one. Run up the damn hill big butt! Plus you have to get over the hill in life too. We all have stuff we are trying to overcome. It can stand for so many things. Mine is my food issues and smoking. Mainly food issues. It's an everyday struggle. 

Number 5- 99 problems by Jay-Z. Hova!!! My favorite song! I got 99 problems and a better split time is one! Hit me! It's the perfect pre race song. Gets you in the zone!

Number 6- Midnight city by M83. All about Paris! Love that song. One of my favorite bands and clearly I'm a little obsessed with the city of love!

So those are the songs on April 12 I'll be listening too in athletes village... Under the Arc de Triumph!! 2 months!!!

I never changed... except my underwear!

Just because you look different doesn't mean you are different. Just because your size is different doesn't mean your brain changed. Chairs get bigger, clothes get smaller and distances don't seem as far but things are the same. Who you are as a person doesn't change just maybe your outlook on life does. Your goals, dreams and dinner plate maybe different but your general make up doesn't. Literally my day to day makeup look stayed the same. Despite all of this people seem to think that just because you look different, you are different. The person you were at size 22 is the same person you are in a girls medium. My clothes are actually not as tight as I used to wear them but my style has pretty much stayed the same. My hair may be a different color but that's because of health issues and bleach don't mix:(. I had no choice but to be a brunette. Someone said something a while back that has stayed with me. She had interviewed at the hospital I work at right before I started my journey. When you interview and apply for a fellowship it takes about two years before you start. When she saw me again she recognized me because I had the same makeup look as I did before. She thought it was me but wasn't sure. When she finally had the balls to ask, she was shocked like most and asked a ton of questions. I felt like it proved a point. Just because you lose weight doesn't mean your this completely different person. I personally think I don't look that much different than I did when I was heavy. Most people say that's not true but that's not the point. Who I am never changed. This was always me. I still love the same music. I'm still goofy and awkward. I still use the same soap and hair products. I still love the cat eye look for my eyeliner. I loved Forever21 then and now. I may wear knee boots a lot but I couldn't fit into them when I was heavier. I also still don't judge. I don't care how you live your life. We all only live once and you should live it to the fullest, how you want too.
My dreams may seem completely different now, but they're not. This was a silent dream I never believed possible. At 284lbs. I was realistic thinking a marathon was not possible. I was right. I was in no way able to run even a mile. After the doctor scare and an ass hat, I was able to do what was necessary to achieve that goal. Finally live out that silent dream I had held onto for so long. A dream that would make most laugh at me if I told them. Honestly I never thought I would make it through a 5k. Now I'm to cheap to sign up for one but that's neither here nor there. Training has made me a stronger person but I still have all those doubts and fears I had even before I lost the weight. Every time I hear there is a cut off time I'm so close to pooping my pants. I've never not made the cut off time but it scares the bejesus out of me. Knowing Paris like most marathons have a 6:30 cut off time freaks me out.
With all the fear that was there before, sometimes it's still hard to eat. I'm afraid it will all come back on with a cookie. It's not logical but it's my fear and I'm working on it. My favorite movie is still Napoleon Dynamite and Unicorns are my favorite animal. I love hard and my friends are still the world to me. I never wanted to change who I am just be healthy and finally live my dreams. I've lost so many people in my life because of my change and I always wonder "Where did everyone go?" I've also met a ton of great new people who accept me for who I am today. I also learned who would be there no matter what. Those people are the best! I will forever be me, forever awkward, forever goofy, forever girly... Forever Cheryl! Almost 2 months to the city I've always dreamed of.. heavy and thin!

The comparison game.. We all do it

Someone will always be faster, better looking, stronger, lighter... and the list goes on. Yet, for some reason we all do it. Someone will always be ahead of you in any aspect of life. The world record for a female marathon time was Paula Radcliff at the 2003 London Marathon. She ran 2:15:25 and no one has come within 3 minutes of her time, including Paula herself. Someday some female will beat her. Trust me it won't be me. It's good to look at others and strive to achieve new goals. Healthy competition is needed to succeed. So why on earth do people get on a grouchy face when someone is faster then them?
I'm starting this off by saying the truth. I'm not fast. I'm slightly decent for a recreational runner. I have yet to qualify for Boston and just recently finally ran an 8 min split in a race over 10 miles. I work my ass off but I know that I'm never going to the Olympics and never getting a Nike contract. Yet despite knowing in my heart that I'm never going to be amazing, once again my times made someone else feel bad. Yes she was being annoying. I may write a blog and tell everyone my silly stories of my run each day. That's the thing, they are silly stories and my diary of a time in my life that I never thought would be possible. Also, there are other things to talk about besides running (especially when your on a date). Now this wasn't my date, I would have dressed better. But I was in the room and it was mentioned after both were talking about training for Boston.
My Boston time was not impressive by any stretch of the imagination (4:19). For a first marathon with about 5 months of training, sure it's decent, nothing to be sour about. Actually none of my times are really that impressive. Maybe my last half wasn't too bad but other than that, I'm kinda slow. Unfortunately once basically all my times were announced (not by me), I was immediately persona non Grata. Yes, she had been going on and on about her previous races and all of the amazing things she had done. So I know this was an effort to shut her up but if she had been faster then me I would have asked for tips not given the "go to hell" face. I think surviving a marathon is a reason to celebrate. Be happy in your achievements. Yes I may have ran faster. Yes I only started about 1.5 years ago but guess what? Someone, actually a ton of someones are faster than me! Plus I looked like crap in sweats and no makeup. She had a leg up there!
The point is if you want to go faster, train harder. Or the alternative is enjoy the experience and have fun. Love what you do and run like no one is looking. Clearly I do because if you see my most recent race photos, clearly I'm running like no one is looking! Ugly running face has been achieved! In Paris, I hope for top 10,000, but if not, finishing a race like Paris is fucking amazing! Just to be let in and go is crazy enough. To be one of the 50,000 crazy awesome people on 4/12... CRAZY! Don't compare because it will drive you crazy. Everyday I strive to be better then myself, no one else. About 2 months! Holy Shit!

Yes.. I run everyday

So today another research article came out on why it's bad to run too often. Once again, it's all about heart disease and osteoarthritis. Congratulations researchers... You figured out something everyone already knew. I'm sure there was a large grant involved and countless surveys were answered. I'm sure there was a lot of interns in the UK who had to sift through medical records and do a lot of boring data entry all to write a paper already written. I've already touched base on my feelings and thoughts on the inevitable wear and tear running marathons has on the body. A lot of people always ask why I run everyday. Truth is I can't imagine not running everyday.
You will read of the runner's high. You do feel amazing after any exercise but I'm not sure if there is a specific runner's high. I think achieving goals can give you the same effect. I think running compared to a lot of sports is a lot more soothing once it becomes a habit. At first, yes it blows, but after a while it becomes like yoga for many. It becomes an escape from everything. It's all about breathing and keeping pace. Yes, it can be strenuous but in exercise, what isn't? For me this is how I either start my day or end it. During the week it's how I wind down from work. As everyone experiences, even if they love their job, it's still a job. Some people have a glass of wine, others watch t.v., I take a run. It's been the best form of relaxation I've ever found. Sometimes work for me can be stressful due to coworkers or the unfortunate realities of working in the medical profession. Taking a run can clear your mind and help you remember there's always tomorrow. On the weekends it's long run training and a perfect way to start the day. Plus living in a city you finally get away from all the people not paying attention on their cell phones who feel the need to knock into you.
Another reason I run everyday is for health reasons. Truth is it helps me eat. Many times people with an eating disorder will go to extreme athletics to keep the weight off. For me, that's not what it's about. I live for the run and the competition so I know I have to eat to keep going. I know I would actually be smaller if I stopped training but I love this and want to continue. Running forces me to be healthy versus running five days a week cutting back to 3-4 miles and going back on a less than 1,000 calorie diet. I'm not going to lie, I get tempted but I always have the next race planned.
One day I may go down in fiery flame (oh, let's be honest I'll just fall over) in the middle of a marathon. Hopefully it's after the finish line in London when I've ran my first sub 3 hour. Most likely it will be 3 miles in on Beacon street in Back Bay:(. Yes, running too much is bad for you but so is a lot of things. We all are human and do things that could possibly harm our bodies. We all only live once though and you should do what you love. Be happy everyone, that's the point! Almost 2 months to Paris! Holy shit it's coming quick!!

Back to the drawing Board! Paris is near!

Even though my half marathon on Sunday was a personal best, you can always do better. Things always go wrong somewhere along the route and it's good to look back and think about how to change those errors. A lot went wrong but I'm starting to think that's why I did so well. I woke up at 4 am thinking and feeling like crap. I immediately thought I was going to fail and instantly the pressure was off. I had spent the whole previous Saturday freaking out. I was worried it would be another wasted half marathon in the books. Yet at the end I produced and was completely shocked. The weather was cold and windy, the course was tough and packed but in the end I finished strong. Maybe I'm just getting faster or maybe taking away the pressure I was finally able to show up and do my actual best.
First note to self; tough workout the day before is a really stupid idea. It snowed Friday night and in NYC sidewalk shoveling is not a priority. I went out later than I normally do on a Saturday and yet the sidewalks were not shoveled. I ran through a gas station slushy and ended up partly running the streets. Now this was totally taking my life in my hands because I was on a busy street (not sure there's not one in NYC) and people were speeding. Running in the slush is harder than running on a dry sidewalk. My legs were burning that morning and my left knee was screaming "Screw you!" Only after about 3 miles into the half did I even feel over my legs. Really it was after the first big hill that I felt I had a handle on my speed. So my shakeout run for Paris will be a flat 5 miles not in slush, hopefully.
Second problem, my stomach. This one is weird because I definitely didn't eat anything funky. Maybe it was just nerves but I felt queasy the whole time. I was so freaked out that I would have to use the bathroom. I didn't in the end, I actually felt like I was going to vomit. No one and I mean no one wants to toss their cookies on the course. Plus then you have to run with vomit mouth and the taste of your dinner throughout the race. I actually don't know how to change that. Maybe my stomach was just not ready for the race. Maybe rice chex is trying to f&*k with me. Either way not much you can change that problem.
Third I may not change and maybe how I performed, my attitude. I went to Central Park that morning expecting to fail. It was an intimidating race to begin with. Central Park isn't easy, everyone their was not a newbie and I felt like crap. It was long run Sunday, I was in NYC and I had already paid the fee. I wasn't going to back out and I had already talked it up that I was racing. I figured I've failed 2 halfs and a 2 marathons anyway so whats one more bad race. I got my number and saw everyone looking like they had this in the bag. At first I thought "It sucks to suck!" I felt like such the low man on the totem pole. I'm still a newbie and most of the people their probably had hundreds of races under their belt, ran track in school and was performing all their stretches and pre-race jumping around. To this day, I still don't get that stuff but, hey it works for them. I got ready to run and checked my gear and left for the start. Once the National Anthem was sung and we were off I just ran the best I could and just enjoyed the course and the hot D.J. spinning. Once I let it go it was fun again. I figured if I ended up last it's fine because someone has to be.
I don't know what happened but I ended up in the top 900 and 36 in my age group. Maybe all the pressure being off I just ran for me. Maybe I've just finally gotten faster and my training is finally working. Either way I'll take it and roll with it. So to Paris I go in hopes of keeping that 8/min split or faster!

First race of 2015... Is NYC my lucky charm?

My two best times have been in my favorite place. The half marathon was 2 loops around Central Park. If you have ever been around Central Park then you know it's got some crazy hills. Plus looping can always be a disaster! For the first time, despite all of this, I didn't screw up a half. I finally showed up, didn't lose steam and performed. I just wished it had felt that way. 

I felt like shit that morning. My legs were sore from having to run through snow the day before. My stomach was funky. My toes still had lingering blisters from running in dead shoes. I was thinking "well time to bomb another half!" I got myself showered and dressed and got to the train for what I thought was a wasted effort. When I got there I saw exactly what I thought I would. Tons of people looking like expert racers. This was not a race if you wanted to do your first half you would have chosen. There were no charities, medals or frills. People were out for time and blood. 10,000 to be exact and there was a cutoff time. There was not the usual costumes or skirts. Tons of spandex and serious faces.  I picked up my number checked my gear and was pushed out to the start. My stomach still hurt and I was yawning. I paid the entry fee so I wasn't going to chicken out! Don't get me wrong NYRR always puts on a party with plenty of water, Gatorade and fuel. There was a D.J. Spinning and actually a large crowd. 

We went off and I felt slow from the start. I decided to avoid the clocks and just take it as a long run. The whole course just felt up and down. It was definitely challenging. At the end of the loop there was a gigantic hill. The first time I went around I thought "remember that for loop 2!" Because that hill was some heart break hill crap! About the time I came into loop 2 I realized I wasn't doing to bad because there was a ton of people still going around for loop 1. It made me feel a little better but it also came with some issues. Double the people on the course with some going twice as fast. I don't think anyone thought to hard about that. Did I mention we only had a lane blocked off! Yeah that's a problem. I knocked into a ton of fellow racers. Sorry people! After the last big hill I pretty much felt like I suck but it's okay because it's good to suck sometimes. At mile 12 I didn't feel to bad so I pushed up until the finish and saw my time and said "fuck me" right out loud. Not very cute! I had my personal best of 2015! 

I was shocked! I felt like crap, felt I ran like crap and shaved off 35 seconds on my pace per mile average. I was completely stunned. I almost cried again. Then I sucked it up because I have made NYC see the ugly "I just ran" cry in November and it was bad then! Plus this race was a ton of crazy runners, not people having there life changing experience. Crying was not really allowed. Now seeing my stats; 899 out of 10,000! 36 in my age category! That's fucking crazy!! All in all my first good half was a fun experience but I wished I had felt like I was flying not just performed. Is NYC my good luck charm though? We shall see in Paris which is my main focus right now! Less than 3 months!!!

Fred Lebow Half... Half crazy round 3!!

In Central Park thousands will descend on a cold January morning to pay tribute to the founder of the biggest marathon in the world. Also, this idiot will be there at the butt crack of dawn to race after a snowstorm. This is my third attempt at the half and I'm hoping for a personal best. The half marathon is a nice race. It's long enough that you don't feel like you paid too much and not a way to feel like death for a week. It's all a great way to check your training or take a shakeout run before your next full. It's a perfect way to put on a prison number, run hard and get out all the nerves everyone has before a full. I decided on this race because it was real cheap, a NYC qualifier and a way to get a long weekend in my favorite place. They don't give out medals, you get a hat and everyone is out for blood to get that magic time to enter into the NYC marathon. Sounds like the perfect Sunday morning... Maybe!
In my two previous halfs I haven't done well. My first was a complete let down from all aspects. I went into it with a cocky attitude and had my ass served to me on a platter. I had just ran Boston and thought I was going to fly through it. I thought after a full, how hard could a half be? Pretty damn hard is what I should have thought, but no. I went in thinking I would crush it and ended up sick in the med tent. In my defense it was the middle of June, 80 degrees and these idiots didn't have adequate water stops. Plus they claimed it was flat and was anything but! They said there was one hill. What they should have said was there is one giant hill and the rest are moderate. They also took us into the middle of a marsh field with no sidewalks or blocked roads. I thought I could have died out there and no one would know. Luckily I only threw up twice and finished under two hours (barely).
My second half was the Boston Athletic Association half. It's the BAA, why I thought this would be easier, I don't know. The last six miles were all up hill and my legs felt like they were going to fall off. I went in with a totally different attitude and I was better prepared. That race though it was hard was a lot of fun. The BAA always puts on a good show with plenty of water stops and great race swag. Plus everyone was there for a good time. Depending on which marathon I do in the fall, I want to run that one again and it was pretty cheap. I came in under two hours as well but only five minutes early than my previous half.
In NYC I had a personal best on my half time. I'm hoping to at least get below that or stay the same. I have done this exact course on a fun run so I know that it's not that bad. Hopefully lightning will strike twice for me in the Big Apple and I'm hoping to keep this no bathroom break streak. No matter what happens it's a perfect opportunity to test my training and feel a race. It will set the bar for 2015! So here's to Fred.. The man who helped shape this little idiots dumb dreams.. in 3 days!

Smoking... My last true battle!

So I lost 160lbs., I gave up drinking and became a marathon runner. You would think that along the way I would have stopped smoking. You would think the runner's high would have been enough. That my world had changed so much that I would no longer need to suck on the cancer sticks to get through the day. Truth is it never crossed my mind to quit. There has never been a moment when I said to myself "You know what.. I think I should quit this too!" I've changed my whole life and yet the worst habit I have I can't get rid of. There comes a moment when you realize you need to change, just like my weight and my drinking.. I need to quit smoking.
I've been smoking since I was about 12. In my area it was easy to get cigarettes, even at 12. I thought it was cool and was being a dumb rebellious teenager. Truth is I wasn't that addicted during my youth. It helped somewhat ease the pain of a rough teenage depression. Truth is drinking helped a lot more.  Once I hit my twenties is when my smoking took off. I lived in the south for a year and that's when it became about 2 1/2 packs per day. I was teaching dance at a horrible job and everyone smoked. I would go out behind the building and smoke between each class. It became so bad it was hard to teach. That's when smoking became an outlet becasue I realized my dream job was a nightmare.
After that awful experience I decided to go back to school. I got my bachelor's in exercise physiology because I liked science and dance. During school my smoking went up to about 3 packs per day. Pulling all nighters and chain smoking became the norm. My professors would see me outside and just laugh. I guess my grades were good enough for them to overlook the obvious. After I graduated I got the job I currently have now and that helped me cut back. You can only smoke so many times per day. Unfortunately this was the time I gave up dancing due to my inability to deal with the pressure and my weight exploded. I was eating so much and became severely depressed. Even though my smoking had cut back my food and alcohol Jones had become unmanageable. Then I went to the doctors, get rejected blah blah blah....
During my transformation I held on to the cigarettes with the mantra of you can only do so much. Well now I really have no more excuses and surprisingly shortness of breath is never really the problem with my running. When people see me at the finish line they are always surprised to see me smoking and make some sort of funny joke. Today on my walk to work a runner saw me smoking and gave me this awful, judgemental look. first I was thinking that's so rude. Then I realized this guy is right! What the hell is my problem. I can run marathons, lose a ton of weight without surgery and yet I'm still chained to the cigarettes. I don't know if I'm ready to quit just yet but this morning was a wake up call that the time is coming. It scares the shit out of me. How do you quit your best friend? with 4 days until my half, it won't be tomorrow, but maybe soon. Less than 3 months to Paris and I know at least I won't be judged there, but maybe I should.

From crazy to psycho... Ultra marathons

Most people think running a marathon is crazy.. They have never heard of an ultra marathon. These are races that are longer than 26.2. There are 50k, 50 miler and 100 milers out there. Yep, some people consider marathons as sissy races. Having done a few I can say there is nothing sissy about a marathon. But being crazy I've always thought that I would love to try one. Maybe this just means I've truly lost all sanity or maybe I just love a challenge. I haven't cured the mile 22 choke so I know I'm not ready but after running 48 miles this past 3 day weekend I wondered.. What would it take to run an ultra?

So I looked up training plans online and found a ton. Clearly I'm not the only one who is considering death by running. Training plans always seem scary but these take the cake. I love how they say if you have done 1 or 2 marathons you can easily do a 50 miler. Is a 50 mile race ever easy? They look a lot like marathon training plans but instead of mileage for a long run they tell you how many hours you should run... Like 5! I've never ran for 5 hours in my life! That's crazy! But the bragging rights would be epic and I'm sure it would be life changing! They also pretty much tell you to pack a healthy buffet. You pretty much have to eat meals while running. How the hell do you run and eat lunch at the same time? Plus they are all mostly trail runs and that's a little hard to train for in a city.

My conclusion... Maybe it will be my mid life crisis race. Not anytime soon!! All of the pictures are guys in short shorts with beards. I don't want a beard! They have one in Colorado every year. Seems like the place but I've never been so I don't know if it would be fun. Just some random thoughts on a possible epic goal. With less then 3 months to Paris that is my main focus!! 

Oh the joys of training injuries!

This morning I had a lot on my brain and wasn't really paying attention while I was running. I basically tried to run the crap out of myself on a longer run. This led to an unfortunate friend I've gotten to know well since I started training for marathons. I had another internal organ concussion. I seem to be prone to this if I push to hard. 21% of all marathoners experience this and trust me it hurts like a bitch! 

At first I thought maybe I should go to the hospital because it felt like chest pain. It was on my left side and as everyone knows that's not something you should play with. Then I went to the bathroom and found blood and relaxed. I know, TMI and seeing blood made me relax? Yeah, that's kind of messed up but when this is routine you know the only cure is to rest and slow the hell down. Sleep and relax was on the menu today. Lovely start to my 3 day weekend! ( Here in the states it's Martin Luther King day). This got me thinking about all the lovely things us marathon runners do and put up with in terms of injuries. Blisters, runners nipple and total body soreness are just the tip of the ice berg! Who would think knocking your internal bits around was common from prancing around. It sounds like something a football player would get, not a runner! Here I am though, stuck in bed for just pushing it too hard up a hill! 

From losing control of your bodily functions, concussions, torn ligaments and stress fractures we all just want to know when can we get back out there and hit the road. It's pathetic how much we can't be sidelined and how addicted we are. We all know the risks and are willing to suffer the consequences of our actions! I am still going out tomorrow on long run Sunday but will most certainly take it easy! With less than 3 months to Paris and 1 week until my half now is not the time to play it safe! Well I will go slow tomorrow but will cover my mileage! 

Marathon training and dieting.. not so easy!

So you would think running for hours on a daily basis would equal weight balance. Not really! Many people actually experience weight gain when in training. Running all those miles can make you extremely hungry. After a long run people usually spend the day relaxing and eating. Unfortunately the lighter you are the faster. So how does one actually lose weight when in training. That is the question!
I personally lost weight training for my first but I also wasn't really fueling properly until about the last month. Once I started fueling properly and getting the calories I needed my time really picked up. After my first marathon I actually gained a good amount of weight but got it off. I kept it off for NYC and have kept it off since. I still feel like I need to lose about 10 more pounds in general and it just does not want to come off. You want to get enough calories to sustain the run but not gain an ounce. A lot of people experience almost a yo-yo effect. After your long run you have lost then you creep all week until after your long run. This actually happens to me and it totally messes with my mind. It's extremely normal and happens to most. You basically store all your energy for the long run and then it all goes away. So yes you basically are a squirrel!
I personally haven't read anything that gives a definitive answer. Going based on my own knowledge, cutting calories has not worked. I'm already on an extremely healthy diet and monitored by a nutritionist. She thinks I'm fine and I need to stop worrying. Truth is I would love to lose about 30 more pounds but I've been warned that muscle weighs more than fat. She will also probably read this and I will get slammed at my next appointment. Hopefully I can get some of this weight off before Paris and maybe a little off before my half. Just some of my dumb random thoughts on training blues. Less than 3 months to my beautiful adventure and I want to be at my best!

Playing the marathon lottery.. and in life

Today the lottery for the 2015 NYC marathon opens. At noon today thousands will pay their $11 dollar processing fee in hopes of being one of the 50,000+. Later, probably next month, Chicago and Marine Corp will open their lotteries. Getting into any one of these fall marathons is exciting. There are only a few (well, thousands) of bibs up for grabs. Personally, I'm putting my name in all three. I would love to do NYC again, but Chicago is first on my list. Marine Corp scares me because of the weather, it's hot, but I want to do it. I also want to do the Air Force marathon and figure if I'm unlucky then I'll go run with the Air force. Service men... actually that could be way more fun.
The chances of getting in via lottery is pretty slim for NYC but pretty good for the others. Hopefully my chances will be good for Chicago. Spring marathons like London also have a lottery entry. Which is good because you can only qualify if your a UK resident:(. I personally feel like that's complete crap. All of the American races let international residents in through qualifying times. What gives Princess Kate? Playing the lottery for marathons is a lot like life. You never know what's going to happen but if you put your name in it can change you forever. You never know whats going to happen unless you put yourself out there. Playing the marathon lottery made me think of the parallels to dating and regular life. Taking a risk on something big and not being afraid to fail. You can go and choke or go and succeed, but you will never know unless you try. I honestly had no clue when I started all this that I could even finish a marathon but clearly I can. This year I want to take more risks and now I'm not afraid to fail. I have choked in races and you know what happens... Nothing! You get a crappy time but you went out and if you give it everything then it's better then nothing at all. I've failed horribly in the love department. This year I've decided that it's okay to fail, you never know if you don't try. I also have tried a new hair color and changed up my wardrobe a little. I'm getting older but I can still have fun. I really have no choice because Abercrombie Kids fits me the best:(.
So today at noon I will be one of the thousands trying to get the magic NYC ticket. I will also try my hand at Chicago and a few others. I will be one of many just hoping and waiting until March/April to see what city I'm prancing around next. Not only that but I will take some more risks and see where life takes me. Watch me get into all of them and have to make a decision. Oh shit... That will not be fun. Maybe mister magic lottery will make the decision for me. Until then my eye is on my half in 10 days back in NYC and less than 3 months to Paris!!

We are Charlie... Some of us anyway #JeSuisCharlie!

My beautiful city last week went through a devastating terrorist attack. An amazing moment happened over the weekend and Paris showed that they will also not stand for this. I'm from Boston and was in town the day of the bombings and ran Boston last year. As people we shouldn't stand for these horrible acts. Now that I've said that I read some posts on Facebook that threw me. Most days you can find something stupid said on Facebook but this was mind blowing! Someone wanted to sell their bib number or defer for Paris because they were scared. What the hell?
Really! That's the golden ticket if you ask me. This marathon is one of the top 3 in the world and this idiot wants to sell their bib number? News Flash; all of the major marathon's are in large cities. They have all had attacks! If you go to a major city there is a chance something might happen. You actually have a better chance of getting in a car accident and dying on the way to the airport (dumb and dumber! Love that movie!). This marathon sold out in days! It's not one of those races that ship you out to the middle of nowhere and have you run back (Boston), it's in the most beautiful F&*king city in the world! Why the hell would you give that up just because something happened!
Of course this is exactly what these evil people want. They want to instill terror. We should all descend on that amazing city and run in solidarity! Maybe because I'm from Boston that I have this view. Maybe I also just refuse to back down. I've dreamed of this city my whole life and can't imagine giving it up! No one is going to scare me into not running this race. Plus I've started this crazy training plan, got luggage, wrote every damn day I'm going....
Truth is, I want to run this race even more now. Show are Parisian friends that we stand with you (even if you hate us:). I'm still pumped and won't stop getting ready for this crazy trip of a lifetime! In less than 3 months I'm going to my dream land despite what has happened. My heart goes out those poor victims and their families. Their lives were cut too short and cannot live out the rest of their dreams. So off to Paris I go in 89 days! Viva la France!!!

The gluten free edge?

So there's a new book out (which I haven't read) about athletes going gluten free. I know a lot of people think going gluten free can be the magic diet. Not really! If you actually look at the labels of these gluten free products they fill the food with crap. They add a ton of fat and other fun things. I personally think that a regular eveyday person doesn't need to go gluten free. A runner might want to think about it. The picture above says it all. 

I was diagnosed after having some bathroom issues after my first few races. I know, TMI but deal with it:). I thought my gall bladder had died. When you lose a lot of weight rapidly that can happen. My new GI doctor picked up on it and sent me for the blood test and bam... Celiac disease. A lot of my fun ailments could be attributed to this late diagnoses. Before running I got sick from eating a ton of pasta but I just figured I was eating too much. I also got the lovely distinction of being lactose intolerant from not knowing. After going gluten and lactose free I haven't had to use the bathroom in any of my recent races or long runs. So maybe for distance runners this can help prevent scabies from port-o-potties! Other than that I really can't see why you would. Unless you just don't like to poop.

I don't eat the whole gluten free product crap. The bread tastes like ass. I stick with foods that are naturally gluten and lactose free. Corn tortillas instead of bread, fruits and veggies and my personal favorite.. Rice Chex. My biggest fear is shitting my pants and it's the last thing I ever want to do in Paris! Once again I think everything is fine in moderation but for runners we shall see... 92 days to Paris!! P.s. My heart is with all the victims in this recent terrorist attack. We feel for you from Boston! #JeSuisCharlie!

Finally saying Goodbye to my former self.. My real New Year's Resultion!

I am fully aware that it is 8 days into the New Year, but I'm a little slow on the jump. Last year I kind of proved what I was made of. This year I had set some really stupid goals. If you set dumb goals you are bound to fail in running and in life. Already had a bad guy moment, spit on my runs and swore like a sailor. We won't even start on the smoking, (refer to bad guy moment). Truth is after a year like last year, I was a little worried this would be the year I choke. I was worried that in 2015, I would gain all the weight back and break a leg. What I realized is this is exactly how the old me would think. I would set myself up to fail and then actually fail. All I ever was really good at was making excuses and fucking things up. I was having these negative conversations in my head (which should be proof I'm bat shit crazy), and I said out loud "Your a marathoner, you can do anything!" Nothing gets people starring on a train like talking to yourself! At that awesomely awkward moment I realized I'm not her anymore. It's time to let her go.
This lovely realization came from an unexpected comment. I was told my former self was "huge and ugly." At first I was thinking "What? Fuck you!" Then I realized that it's actually kind of true. I was huge and ugly on the inside. I was jealous of others, hated everything fun and hated myself. Even though I'm still working on my food anxieties, I have a totally different outlook on life. The glass is actually half full and I'm truly excited for the future (Paris!). My old self would have definitely made fun of my new self and probably thought she was the most annoying person in the world. Maybe I am, I don't really care. I love seeing others accomplish their goals, finding true love and starting their families. I'm not jealous of people who can run faster than me. They actually inspire me. The old me would have seen myself as slow and quit. I may be slow but I don't care. I work my ass off and leave it on the streets.
Last night I finally threw out the last of my 22 size clothing that I kept just in case. I gave my old self a proper burial. The comment above was part of someone saying how amazing my transformation inside and out is. It was a splash of cold water to the face but it was true and actually kind of sweet. I don't want to be her again but I used her as a crutch to hold myself back. Well, no more! She's gone for good. In the New Year I will not hold on to those memories or that pain. I will be the new me and run like a unicorn. Probably not like a unicorn but definitely like I stole something! So good bye lady, you will not be missed. Especially in Paris! 93 days until I finally see that city and less than 3 weeks until NYC!

Where my girls at? Small woman's field size in Paris

So I took a look at the website for the Marathon de Paris and saw that only 21% of the runners in 2014 were female. That struck me as odd. This would seem like a dream marathon for my female runners. Spring time in Paris, fashion, culture... The list is long and pretty girly. Then I looked up photos and I couldn't find any with just girls! There is a pretty big international field, on most marathoner's wish list and the course is from all accounts breathtaking. So what gives ladies? Where are my females at?
Sure it's not the easiest but hey, us females don't look for easy! We have a pretty good turnout for Boston every year. Boston is known for being a possible way to induce a heart attack. To me, if your going to do an international race and add a vacation with it, why not Paris? Lot's of woman runners every year enter destination marathon for a vacation. It seems like Paris would be an obvious choice. Sure, London is a marathoner's dream as well but it's notoriously hard to get into and pretty expensive to be there. There are marathons in pretty much every major city all over the globe but Paris, France is pretty high up there on places females want to go. The marathon hits all the major attractions (mile 18 right under the Eiffel Tower!) and has perfect weather. The deal seems to be most people get a personal best not from it being flat but because the weather is a runner's dream.
Now don't get me wrong, a race full of men doesn't sound like a bad idea. It actually sounds like a great idea! Lot's of single me in my age range with a runner's high... Oui! It was just something that struck me as weird. It seems like a girly race to me but I don't know how popular running is in France either. All of the magazines promote Paris as a runner's dream vacation. That could also be due to the amount the French tourism group is paying to Runner's World magazine.
I'm not sure the reason but, I'm about to find out. What sounds to me as the perfect girly marathon may turn out to be not so much. I've got 94 days to train and then descend on to France and find out for myself. Plus I need to learn French, find an outfit, blah blah blah. With under 3 weeks to my half my short term goals are focused on Central Park! There will be a ton of girls there at least.

5k... 10k... I think I'm just cheap!

There are so many different 5k's (3.1) and 10k's (6.2) around that you could probably run one every weekend all year round. Every town has one and everybody and their brother runs them. I always see them, think about it and say to myself "why would I pay to run less than I do everyday?" Every running magazine, book and blog say it's a good idea and can give you insight into your training. The question is, if each one costs 20-60 dollars and your already training for halfs and fulls, is it really worth it to spend the money?
Sure, sweet medals are always a great thing. Finding a way to puke at 8 am on a Sunday is always fun. Getting there extra early so your not at the back of line or bump into everyone while your trying to sprint is lovely. These races always sound like fun. A 5k is pretty much a dead sprint. Go as fast as you can and pray you don't trip. I've done two 5k's, the first I was just barely running and it wasn't the sprint it would be now. It took me a little under 40 minutes and it was tougher than any of the three marathons I've participated in. Those 3 miles felt like an ultra and I felt so defeated at the end. I look back now and think that was a pretty big accomplishment. I had been running for only 3 months and most of that was run walking. It should have proved that I could handle what was to come. The second 5k I ran was bandit, the BAA 5k, 2 days before the marathon. Unofficial time was 21 minutes. I had taken my shakeout run of 3 miles and decided to do 3.1 more. I had to start at the back and spent most of those twenty+ minutes running on the grass trying not to knock people over. It was a really stupid idea but actually a ton of fun and a good practice for the marathon. I learned about cup carpets and weaving in and out of people. In my 3 marathons and 2 halfs I've consistently ran my 5k at about 26 minutes and 10k at about 45 minutes. These are at my marathon pace versus my sprint pace if I ran them alone. In a long distance race your 5k is your warm up so it's really not a good measure of your speed but knowing your split times (pace per mile) is always good.
These races are fun but they can add up. I run over 8 miles per day and maybe if I was loaded I would race every weekend. The other question is training schedule. If your supposed to run 12-15 miles on a Saturday or the race is on long run Sunday which can be up to 20+ what do you do? Do you run at some ungodly hour then head over to the race and finish out. Some of the point of running these miles is to get your body used to running these miles consecutively. You need to get your body used to running for hours at a whack. Splitting up the mileage is not always the best plan. Maybe this year I'll run one right after Paris or my fall marathon but probably not. I'm to cheap and it will be time to save up for my next full, which ever that may be... 95 days to Paris and a little less than 3 weeks until my half in NYC.

An extreme new training plan... Stupid or smart?

For the new year I've decided to go all out for my training. More miles, faster speed runs and push myself farther than ever. I feel like last year I really trained just to finish. This year I want to train to achieve new goals. I did my homework and researched the shit out of training plans. I want to get faster, build endurance but not be incredibly stupid and get injured. The last thing I need is to screw up and not be ready for Paris!

I learned that mistake last year when I ran 2 marathons to close to each other. Plus the first was one of the toughest out there. It was a huge mistake and I paid for it! I know now that about 5-6 months in between is a good time frame for my body. Half marathons in between to check training is totally fine. After NYC I proved to myself I could go faster. My old plan would probably keep me right at that speed but like most runners, I want more.

I found through research that more miles per week was the key. I'm stepping it up gradually with mileage and intensity and feels all brand new again. In truth, I was in a comfort zone just prancing around Boston, that's going to get me no where! So now when I take a speed run I push it. I check my breathing and if I'm not breathing hard, it's time to go faster. Unfortunately this has lead to bumping into a ton of innocent pedestrians. Sorry Boston. All that balance during my dance days has clearly seeped out my ears. I'm currently taking 2-3 long runs per week. One being really long and either 1-2 longish runs. On these I'm also trying to amp up the speed but remember it's a long run not a mad dash to the coffee house. Blowing a knee on a training run is no bueno! 

I don't know if this will work but it has lit the fire under my ass again! It feels good to weeze, feel like my legs are going to fall off and possibly toss my cookies! I know this sounds bat shit crazy but, it's amazing to me. Only 98 days to Paris and hopefully I will get a better time! Plus I'll know I did everything possible and probably cry like a sissy under the arc de triumph! 

A new year a new you.... Fad diets

So it's 2015 and everybody and their brother is headed to the gym and looking for a way to shed those pounds. I've seen more ads for crazy diet and exercise stuff. Now I laugh. I think it's great people want to get healthy but so many do it wrong and get discouraged by fad diet and exercise plans. I've been through it all and can tell you most doesn't work. Sure you might see quick results but how do you keep it off and stay on track? I'm not a nutritionist (yet) but I am an exercise physiologist who pretty much treats my body like a really cool and crazy science experiment. So here are my random thoughts on helping shed that weight or getting toned. Or you can read and think she's full of shit. Of course you would be right because a marathoner is supposed to limit fiber!

When I started the voyage to health I made some really dumb decisions. I believed all those frozen meals would do the trick. Yeah not so much. They taste like ass and cheese. I was too heavy to even attempt working out. These meals are loaded with extra shit that no one should consume and they actually made me bloated. I learned that healthy homemade meals are what really works. Looking at labels and preparing your meals is the key. There is a great formula called the Harris-Benedict equation that will give you your exact caloric needs. Trust me you can find the calculator if you google it. It takes into account how much you workout and how much you need to cut back to lose. Truth is your just going to have to adopt a healthier lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with indulging in moderation once in a while. Plus it's not just about the amount of calories but the kind of calories you put in.

In the exercise department there is just one truth, you have to actually enjoy what you do or you won't stick with it. I started a plan straight from the book and I hated every minute of it. It doesn't matter what you do, just enjoy it and you will stick with it. Clearly my plan is a little over board but I found something I love and we are stuck together like glue. 

My diet right now is training specific but honestly my food is fuel. I no longer look to food as enjoyment or entertainment but as a way to fuel the run. I honestly don't care as long as it's healthy what it tastes like. I've had my dinner referenced to looking like "fancy feast" cat food. But I could give 2 shits because I'm on a war path to the center of art, fashion and architecture. Through having a similar goal as many in the new year I found my passion and life and if you can do that then the new year will be amazing! 100 days to Paris!!!