Finally saying Goodbye to my former self.. My real New Year's Resultion!

I am fully aware that it is 8 days into the New Year, but I'm a little slow on the jump. Last year I kind of proved what I was made of. This year I had set some really stupid goals. If you set dumb goals you are bound to fail in running and in life. Already had a bad guy moment, spit on my runs and swore like a sailor. We won't even start on the smoking, (refer to bad guy moment). Truth is after a year like last year, I was a little worried this would be the year I choke. I was worried that in 2015, I would gain all the weight back and break a leg. What I realized is this is exactly how the old me would think. I would set myself up to fail and then actually fail. All I ever was really good at was making excuses and fucking things up. I was having these negative conversations in my head (which should be proof I'm bat shit crazy), and I said out loud "Your a marathoner, you can do anything!" Nothing gets people starring on a train like talking to yourself! At that awesomely awkward moment I realized I'm not her anymore. It's time to let her go.
This lovely realization came from an unexpected comment. I was told my former self was "huge and ugly." At first I was thinking "What? Fuck you!" Then I realized that it's actually kind of true. I was huge and ugly on the inside. I was jealous of others, hated everything fun and hated myself. Even though I'm still working on my food anxieties, I have a totally different outlook on life. The glass is actually half full and I'm truly excited for the future (Paris!). My old self would have definitely made fun of my new self and probably thought she was the most annoying person in the world. Maybe I am, I don't really care. I love seeing others accomplish their goals, finding true love and starting their families. I'm not jealous of people who can run faster than me. They actually inspire me. The old me would have seen myself as slow and quit. I may be slow but I don't care. I work my ass off and leave it on the streets.
Last night I finally threw out the last of my 22 size clothing that I kept just in case. I gave my old self a proper burial. The comment above was part of someone saying how amazing my transformation inside and out is. It was a splash of cold water to the face but it was true and actually kind of sweet. I don't want to be her again but I used her as a crutch to hold myself back. Well, no more! She's gone for good. In the New Year I will not hold on to those memories or that pain. I will be the new me and run like a unicorn. Probably not like a unicorn but definitely like I stole something! So good bye lady, you will not be missed. Especially in Paris! 93 days until I finally see that city and less than 3 weeks until NYC!