You love running. You can't imagine your life without it. You know it has made you a better person. You have proven 3 times over you are capable of what so few are. Then you hit a bad streak and question everything. I've been in training for less than a year, been on a running streak and gone through way to many pairs of sneakers. For the first time I questioned myself and thought "is this all still worth it?"
Maybe it's just burn out. I've been on a crazy training plan and having racking up the miles. In the past couple of months I've been running more miles per week then I ever have. I love the feeling of a long run but when your running multiple hours per day, you start to question your sanity. My legs are sore, actually my whole body is sore. Its actually more like pain. I'm tired all the time. I know it's an adjustment period when you increase mileage. My body is just getting used to it. It could also be the cold weather and record snow fall we have been receiving here in Boston. Running in the extreme weather can take a toll on you. It's possible I'm sore from that as well. Whatever the reason my be it's taken it's toll. For the first time in a long time I feel like I need a walker just to get around.
Eating has been tough too. The amount of food I need to consume is taking a toll mentally. I haven't gained any weight but I haven't lost any recently and I was trying to shed a few pounds. I haven't been fueling properly and my running has really suffered. I know the answer is eating more and I'm trying but it's been tough on the old noggin. Your constantly worried about getting to big but you need to fuel to keep speed. It's such a mind fuck!
For the first time in a very long time I wanted to stop on my run this morning. It was a back to back long run morning and about 3/4 the way through I felt like stopping. I didn't because I'm way too stubborn for that and actually went longer. I felt I was barely moving but when I looked at my reflection it actually looked like I was moving. I think that's a sign of burn out. Tomorrow, weather permitting I'm taking an 18 mile run. I actually spent the day eating and resting. For the longest time I haven't felt like skipping a run so bad. I just keep asking myself "what am I doing?" I do feel like stopping. I'm sure it's a phase. I keep telling myself it's that time in training where it's grueling. I want to go to Paris but I keep wondering if I'm actually ready? I'm honestly scared I'm not prepared. I have never been this fast but it doesn't feel like enough. Maybe I just need sleep. 58 days until Paris and my nerves are getting the best of me. Like "crying and questioning my life" best of me. I don't think I've ever questioned myself this hard since training for Boston. It's too late now.
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