Just because you look different doesn't mean you are different. Just because your size is different doesn't mean your brain changed. Chairs get bigger, clothes get smaller and distances don't seem as far but things are the same. Who you are as a person doesn't change just maybe your outlook on life does. Your goals, dreams and dinner plate maybe different but your general make up doesn't. Literally my day to day makeup look stayed the same. Despite all of this people seem to think that just because you look different, you are different. The person you were at size 22 is the same person you are in a girls medium. My clothes are actually not as tight as I used to wear them but my style has pretty much stayed the same. My hair may be a different color but that's because of health issues and bleach don't mix:(. I had no choice but to be a brunette. Someone said something a while back that has stayed with me. She had interviewed at the hospital I work at right before I started my journey. When you interview and apply for a fellowship it takes about two years before you start. When she saw me again she recognized me because I had the same makeup look as I did before. She thought it was me but wasn't sure. When she finally had the balls to ask, she was shocked like most and asked a ton of questions. I felt like it proved a point. Just because you lose weight doesn't mean your this completely different person. I personally think I don't look that much different than I did when I was heavy. Most people say that's not true but that's not the point. Who I am never changed. This was always me. I still love the same music. I'm still goofy and awkward. I still use the same soap and hair products. I still love the cat eye look for my eyeliner. I loved Forever21 then and now. I may wear knee boots a lot but I couldn't fit into them when I was heavier. I also still don't judge. I don't care how you live your life. We all only live once and you should live it to the fullest, how you want too.
My dreams may seem completely different now, but they're not. This was a silent dream I never believed possible. At 284lbs. I was realistic thinking a marathon was not possible. I was right. I was in no way able to run even a mile. After the doctor scare and an ass hat, I was able to do what was necessary to achieve that goal. Finally live out that silent dream I had held onto for so long. A dream that would make most laugh at me if I told them. Honestly I never thought I would make it through a 5k. Now I'm to cheap to sign up for one but that's neither here nor there. Training has made me a stronger person but I still have all those doubts and fears I had even before I lost the weight. Every time I hear there is a cut off time I'm so close to pooping my pants. I've never not made the cut off time but it scares the bejesus out of me. Knowing Paris like most marathons have a 6:30 cut off time freaks me out.
With all the fear that was there before, sometimes it's still hard to eat. I'm afraid it will all come back on with a cookie. It's not logical but it's my fear and I'm working on it. My favorite movie is still Napoleon Dynamite and Unicorns are my favorite animal. I love hard and my friends are still the world to me. I never wanted to change who I am just be healthy and finally live my dreams. I've lost so many people in my life because of my change and I always wonder "Where did everyone go?" I've also met a ton of great new people who accept me for who I am today. I also learned who would be there no matter what. Those people are the best! I will forever be me, forever awkward, forever goofy, forever girly... Forever Cheryl! Almost 2 months to the city I've always dreamed of.. heavy and thin!
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