How do you keep going when you want to stop...

I'm not sure if it is burnout or if I'm tired. I'm not sure if training for almost a year has caught up to me. I'm not sure if my ass has just gotten lazy. Like the picture says.. It's time to put on my big girl pants! With less than 2 months to Paris, the pitty party needs to stop. I needed to sit back and remember why I started all the crazy madness in the first place. I've proven I'm capable of at least finishing the marathon. I've had faster times in every race I've done. That's really not tough considering the short time frame. I sat back and remembered where I began and where I wanted to go.
Training has been insane for Paris. I wanted to get faster in a pretty short amount of time. This past Saturday I went out on a longer run. I was contemplating taking my really long for the week and I barely made it through my long/medium route. It was a huge blow because that hasn't happened in since training for Wakefield. I came home and thought "What is wrong with me?" I was sore from Head to toe and I was just not into it. I've been having thoughts of quiting for a while, and this scares me. I've wanted this for so long but I also don't want to be beast woman forever. I realized all of this complaining and girly stupidity derived from an exercise via therapy. I'm supposed to be looking in the mirror more. I guess my mind has not caught up to my body yet on my changes. Honestly all I was seeing was somebody I had never met.
I saw a girl who is all muscle and is bumpy. I thought "yep, you still need to lose about 30 lbs.". I know in my heart that won't be possible if I continue training. When you train, especially this crazy plan, you have to eat so much to fuel the run. I have not gained any weight but I haven't lost any either. My current efforts to lose had brought on a fatigue so bad I could barely get through my training runs. I also didn't lose even though I had cut back calories. I considered joining the weight loss challenge at work, but you had to have a BMI over 25. I can't even join that club. I guess I can't join the cool kids at work. If I quit training and cut back to 3-4 miles per day only five days a week I could scale back the calories and lose. I thought "well, people are trying to buy bibs to Paris. I could probably make some money."
Then I thought really hard about it. I remembered all the reasons I started this crazy shit. I remembered that running takes away the pain of my issues. I realized I just needed to get back to the fun of running and stop caring so much about split times. I'm not Kenyan and I've dreamed of Paris... big and small. Boys will come and go. My weight will fluctuate but I might never get into Paris again. I set out to run around the world and it's time to stop the pathetic pitty party and just keep going. Needless to say Sunday here in Boston we had snowmaggedon round 3 and I went out in the snow. So much fun and reminded me of what running could bring and the crazy adventures it leads too. I was one of those dumb asses on TV that ran in a blizzard and it was awesome. Then on Monday I tackled my long run and nailed it. Pitty parties happen to the best of us. Just cry and remember "Louis Vutton!"