Every race I've had a personal best. Even at Wakefield I ran a sub 6 minute mile. Of course that's the goal but you start to wonder "is that my actual personal best?". Is that the best I'm ever going to do? At the end of the day, if you finish a marathon it's a victory. But the problem becomes the fight to beat your time. All runners go through this. We all want to be faster than the last. So how do you get stronger without losing sight of the real goal, to love every damn minute of it.
This is something I've been struggling with. I want to do better in Paris. 3:46 is great but I want a sub 3:30 marathon. I can blame the wind all day long but in my heart I know it was my endurance. The goal has been to elongate my everyday runs to build up. After about 22 miles I feel like my body is cooked. The mental aspect of distance running kicks in and gets me to the finish. The problem becomes walking the fine line between enjoying and obsessing. Running is for fun. Even though I know I'm pushing myself to a breaking point I'm still loving it. I'm afraid of going to far. Pushing past your comfort zone is the point but going overboard can lead to injury. That would break my heart. Planning my epic Parisian adventure only to have it end painfully would kill me. Maybe this mentality will keep from going into the land of stupid but I'm scared of the threat. I see these numbers above and can hardly believe it's me. Yet I see them and think "you could do better!".
I know right now it's time to get back on track. Yes it's true, more miles equalls better times but I have to be prudent. Running 20 miles a day leads to a torn hamstring in about 2.5 seconds. Plus you have to sit on inflatable donut and then you have to explain to everyone how you hurt your ass:(. Not cute. Plus holiday parties are coming and crutches and heels don't go! Paris is only a few months away and I need to remember it's all for fun.
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